Dear:

Dear past me.

This was the one I was dreading to write.

Dear past me, I have so many things I want to say to you. First of all, stop hating yourself. That's prio 1, then you need to understand that even if hurting yourself feels really good right then and there, it will make you really upset in the future.
Infact, you will even need to leave lessons to go out and cry because you can't handle the topic. You did that a few weeks ago, you had gym class and we're talking about eating disorders and you broke down.

You won't really recover, you'll be fine tho. Time to time you'll think that it won't matter if you just step over the edge on the train platform but it will.

I am so so so mad at you, past me. You made this body and person a wreck, but it's fine. It's always fine.

You need to learn how to fucking l o v e yourself. Ok? Love, not hate. And those first five cuts on your arm? Why on earth did you tell Z they were just from running into a bush. Those words made you a really good liar, at least when you need to get your ass out of something.

It's not good to lie, in the future years you will lie to your school and family. But never to your friends wich is really good.

The thing is, you were 13 when you started, you went to therapy when you were 14 and when you were 15 you still hadn't stopped ruining yourself. Now, you're 16, you stopped but it's still there. Always in the back of your head.

And stop bleaching your goddamn hair for fucking fucks sake you hate yourself so much for that.

Dear past me.