We Meet Again

Chapter 13

Rick was officially the bad guy. Not only had he alienated himself from the whole of Alexandria, but he had driven a knife through the back of the woman he loved.

"Jackass," Rick mumbled to himself as he strapped his watch around his wrist. There were times when he wondered why the others had appointed someone like him – a person who sometimes lacked judgment and was not especially honorable – to lead the group. This was one of those times.

Deanna had called a meeting for tonight, inviting all of Alexandria to join. Rick and the rest of his group suspected that Deanna intended to punish Rick for attacking Pete. Some feared that punishment might be exile. Rick doubted Deanna would go that far, but they were all prepared for the worst, a skill they had learned time and time again surviving on the road.

Rick zipped up the trousers of his constable uniform, which hung loose around his waist. Missing meals and working through the night was beginning to take a toll on his body. He would have to make more of an effort to take care of himself – three meals a day, eight hours of sleep, quality time with his kids. And to cook something more nutritional than tuna casserole for dinner, especially if he wanted Carl to ever speak to him again.

The boy had mostly holed up in his room since Rick had dropped the bomb of his illicit affair with Michonne and their subsequent child, Andre; Carl's long lost brother and Rick's long lost son.

Rick simply couldn't bear to lose another one of his children. That was not an option. He would apologize tonight, even if that meant kicking in Carl's locked bedroom door.

He pulled on his windbreaker and headed down the stairs. Carl had gone ahead to the meeting, taking Judith with him. Rick walked through the house, which lacked the warmth and security of their previous life with Michonne. The hooks above the mantel hung low and empty, dutifully awaiting the arrival of Michonne's katana.

He closed the front door lightly behind him. He missed his family, the family he and Michonne had built together. He feared after how he'd treated her, jamming a wedge between her and Carl, that she would never come back. In all honesty, that was what he deserved. But he couldn't force that empty life on Carl and Judith as well.

His grief and self-pity at learning of Andre and his death had clouded his judgment for long enough. The second Michonne said she would never forgive him, the blinding haze lifted. He wanted to call to her, to kneel down and beg her forgiveness, but she had already vanished, leaving behind a heaviness that settled in his gut.

He had never thought of himself as a coward. But his reaction to her confession had proven him to be just that. He had been so afraid to learn of this lie - where he thought there was only love and trust – that he had pushed her as far away as he could, hoping she would take the truth of her betrayal with her.

Pushing away Michonne, however, had only made things worse. He could not stop thinking about how they parted in Atlanta, Michonne with Andre already growing in her belly. There were nights he would pull out Andre's photo and just sob, the thought of lost opportunities with his son, overwhelming him. If he had known about Andre, he never would have let her go.

And then he questioned what he would have done if he had known. Would he have divorced Lori and left Carl behind? He might have; just like his own father had. And that admission terrified him. And blinded him with rage, which he redirected to Michonne.

Rick neared the open space functioning as a town square for the small community. It flickered with light from the bonfire blazing in the center, casting shadows every which way. People sat on either side of the fire. He spotted most of his people gathered on one side, unified in their mission to defend him. His heart skipped a beat. He had put everything at risk, their lives as well as his own, because of some stupid temper tantrum. And yet they still stood beside him.