WAB1
Winning a battle; Same Love (Macklemore, with Ryan Lewis feat. Mary Lambert.)
Ch1
Benjamin's pov.
My life, basically it's crap. That's me. That is my thoughts, what I'm thinking at this moment. As I stand looking at my self in the mirror. I hop into the shower hopping to rub off all of the hateful comments I get every day from my peers, the names I call myself. How I live from day to day, I don't know. I scrub till my skin feel raw, the steamy water scolding my skin. This is who I am. Benjamin that's my name, stupid right, call me Ben, I'm seventeen years of age, already I think poorly of myself day after day, night after night. Even thinking of killing myself, tried, but failed. That's how I got the scars in my arms, all parallel, half a centimeter apart. Yes, I'm a cutter.
Thankfully it is Friday. Meaning no school tomorrow. Weekends are paradise, sitting up in my room all day and all night. Writing songs, playing guitar and singing. Maybe having my only friend over, Kelly. She is a lesbian, full hatred and open. That's how we became best friends. We have been bullied together, not wanting to think about why I am bullied, I step out of the shower I put on some loose sweat pants and a hoodie, what I where everyday sleep in even. They hide the scars.
I open up my song book the lyrics spilling out. No one has EVER set eyes on this book not even Kelly. Looking at some of the things I wrote I can't help but think of the reasons for my depression, scars. I'm gay, I think, maybe bi, strait possibly. Mostly I'm confused.
I'm working on a song called Same Love at the moment, having some kind of block, I know it needs something but not what is needs. All I have so far is, '
When I was in the third grade I thought that I was gay,
'Cause I could draw, and I kept my room straight.
I told my mom, tears rushing down my face
She's like "Ben, you've loved girls since before pre-k, trippin' "
Yeah, I guess she had a point, didn't she?
Bunch of stereotypes all in my head.
I remember doing the math like, "Yeah, I'm good at little league"
A preconceived idea of what it all meant
For those that liked the same sex'
That's all I have for now it will probably change. Then I see how the ink at the bottom is smeared in many little spots toward the bottom, noticing only now I was crying. I yawned, only then I realized how tired I was, my stomach growled, and hungry. I'm anorexic.
The hunger doesn't bother me much any longer. I decide to go down stairs to grab an apple, I haven't eaten much today only about five grapes. Before I went to go get an apple I climbed up on top of my desk. Why you ask? You are about to find out. Reaching up I shifted my loose ceiling tile, letting it drop down into my hands. I put my song book up there, seeing the light reflecting off of the hidden razor blades in my small cubby. Resisting the urge to cut, I slid the tile back in hiding it from prying eyes.
On my way down the stairs my phone buzzer in my back pocket, the song 'Homeless by Edward Sheeran'. Kelly's favorite song. A smile was instantly put on my face as I answered the phone.
'Hey Kat'
'Don't call me that, I hat it and you know it.'
'Whatever, what did you call for?'
'Can I not call my best friend without getting lectured?'
'Kat.' I replied getting annoyed. 'Im not lecturing you, just a simple question'
YOU ARE READING
