Because my prides too goddamn high.
i love him and i will never stop trying. Not ever. Not until i am physically or emotionally unable.
Dont you get that im immune to his rejection. I only react to his affection to her and disregard for me out of habit, expectation.
To be honest im completely numb to it.
But when im with him its the moments that he doesnt disregard me that i dont feel numb to.
Call it a friend crush if you have to.
I couldn't go back to to the table and sit and shut up and laugh and flirt and be the overactive elle. Not today. Im too tired.
You think i went for him but in reality we didnt talk much at all - in fact the only times we did is when he talked to me or called me over.
And thats such a difference.
I had missed them. All of the people i used to talk to regularly.
It was just nice.
Of course i like you guys more, obviously.
You are all my best fucking friends and i love you.
But it was so fucking nice for people to want to talk to you instead of tolerating you.
