Oblivion

Almost

"Don't know what I did right to deserve it." It was an unusually serious tone coming from Joe, I didn't know what to say, I just stared blankly back at him. I didn't even know to what he was saying that to. The fact that we've been friends for so many years? Or was it the fact that I stayed here with him the entire time? Either seems likely, maybe it's even both. I sure as hell don't know. 

"Mmmm." is all I could muster with the hurricane of thoughts running through my head right now. Something has shifted between us recently and it's scary and confusing, but I'm not one to complain. I just hope he doesn't notice it.

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Caspar came for a visit and asked for time alone with Joe. His request left a sick feeling in the bottom of my gut but I brushed it off, it isn't my business. So I'm currently sat here while Caspar is in Joe's room doing whatever those two do. It bothers me to be away from Joe right now and I can't help it, he just woke up and I want him to be ok, given everything that was thrown at him recently. I stare at the full mug of coffee in my hands, I'm not thirsty enough to drink any of it. Tired at staring at the coffee that I'll never drink, I go upstairs to see how the guys are doing and on the way I bump into Caspar, no doubt the feeling I had was right. He's tearful and before I can ask if he's ok, he's pushing past me and shutting the elevator doors. I quickly make my way to Joe to check on him. When I make it to the room, Joe is staring at the wall with dry eyes. 

"You alright, mate?" Joe offers a soft smile at that. Something definitely went down and I plan on finding out what. 

"Yeah, just a bit stressed to be honest." My eyebrows scrunch together in concern and I wait for him to continue. Obviously there has to be a cause of said stress. "Caspar doesn't want to deal with this. Can't blame him, he isn't responsible for me, it isn't his job. I'll just have to go stay with my dad or something. He's going to move out this week and I can't afford the flat on my own." 

"I'll stay with you, I don't mind, I'd be more than happy, really." I sit beside him on the bed. To be expected, his aim is off at first but soon his hands make their way to my hair and I lean into the touch. 

"I can't ask you to do that, I don't want to be your burden."

"Stop right there Sugg, if I didn't want to I wouldn't have offered. It's settled, I'm staying with you." He wouldn't be a burden. It upsets me that Caspar made him think he was one.

"What about Clarissa? You live with her, how is it going to work?" To be honest I forgot about her until he brought her up. 

"Dunno about her anymore, we had another fight before you ended up here and I think it sealed it this time. I haven't answered her calls or texts. I'm so tired of fighting with her all the time, don't get me wrong she's a great woman but it's over as far as I'm concerned, I just have to let her know that..." I should probably get on that but Joe's playing with my hair and my eyes are getting heavy. 

"Then it's settled, we're finally going to be flatmates." We both laugh. Yeah, finally. "Why did you want to live with her instead of me?" His tone crushed my heart into a million pieces, Joe was definitely feeling insecure about a lot right now. 

"I don't know, I don't think I necessarily wanted to, just kind of felt like I was supposed to. She asked and what boyfriend tells their girlfriend of four years 'nah, don't wanna live with you', an asshole, that's who." I reply honestly, "Seems kind of wrong, rude even."

"You always try to make those you love happy, Jack. Good person for sure, I don't see why she was giving you such a hard time. If anything she's lucky to have had you." My heart races a little at that. 

"Thanks, just sucks throwing four years down the drain, you know? If I knew that this was the result I wouldn't have even bothered." Not having to go through this sounds really lovely right now. I kind of wish I didn't bother with her and just went through life as planned. I'd have a place with Joe, I'd be less miserable and I sure as hell would have had a lot more nights out with the guys. 

Yet here I am, cuddled up with Joe. He's my favorite person ever and I can't believe I almost lost him. It's hitting me like a brick to the face. "I almost lost you, Joe." And I'm crying again but as if he has done this a million times before, he pulls me closer and holds me tight giving me soothing rubs to the back. "I can't believe it. I just don't know what I'd do if I did."

"Shh, hey now, I'm here, I'm in a lot better shape than dead, right?" I nod against him forgetting that he can't see it. "It's ok, blind or not it's ok, I'm alive and I shouldn't be. Doctor said I shouldn't have made it. If I took another half step I wouldn't have, the corner of the car hit me and I'm so lucky for that." He rocks us back and forth and the tears keep coming. 

"You're just my best friend. Fuck Caspar, he almost lost you too and he doesn't give a shit. He should but he doesn't." I started getting angry and had the urge to punch something but Joe covered my hands with his and it was as if every ounce of rage left my body. He leans his head on mine and holds me and my hands and things are calming down. 

"Everything will be ok, it's sucky right now but hey, we're gonna get through it. Got it?"

"Got it." With that I let my eyes close and drift off to sleep.

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A/N Goodness gracious, ok so sorry about this chapter, I wasnt even going to write it yet but hey here it is. It's a lot of dialogue and Im sorry but I was craving some pointless sappiness, plus it's kind of important for the plot for obvious reasons. I'm going to rush through the hospital, probably have another time skip because for this, the setting doesnt have importance to the plot and Im getting bored of the hospital. This story is going to be kind of short as far as Im concerned. 

Let me know if you want to see any of the others visit Joe and want their pov. otherwise its just going to be a horrible joecck fic with mostly just them. It may take awhile for me to update again but hopefully this is enough to hold you over haha.

Thanks for reading friends <3 

Maxi