intracite

t h i s i s t h e s t a r t

It was a long time ago that I had stopped believing in fairy tales. It wasn't because I didn't think they were real. Oh no, I knew they were real. They had lived around me.

They're stories running though my mind as I slept and the peace at night pulling me into their life. 

My life is run by them. 

The entirety of my childhood I read about how fake they were.

At age 6 I wrote a story of my own.

The next week I saw my characters, running around my back yard, playing like young eccentric children waiting for supper. They were real I'd thought, and at my command.

The next morning I had wrote a story about my back yard turning into a pool, The next morning I arose to my mother yelling at my father, covered in unknown powder with a sloppy grin on his face

"Emily!" he laughed, "come see what I did."

He showed me the back yard where people were digging dirt and pouring wet cement, it was like I was in control of the world.

I told all my friends and told my parents, they had seemed worried at the time and didn't understand why.

I had done it with my mind, and I continued to do that for months until they sat me down and told me the truth.

It had broken my heart, but I refused to believe them, I absolutely refused. 

So in rebellion, I ran to my room and grabbed my crayons and drew a boy with a crown.

I wanted him to be my brother. I wanted someone to believe me. I wanted him to rule over my parents and tell them that I was right.

 I drew him a castle and an army. I drew me beside him with a tiara, and I drew the best knight, the one that'd save me from the beasts and monsters one day, the one I'd marry one day.

As I grew up I'd wish it'd become true. But it never did.

When I got to junior high I was sent to a psychiatrist an told to listen to him and to this day I have, only now I realize what I'd done, what my parents were telling me when I was a kid. 

They had been imaginary.

They were people kids created and it took me forever to finally give up. But with all the problems I'd made with my head at that time it wasn't the best idea to go with out a shrink. 

So I've had him with me, every week. Droning on about the same dreams and the same college and the same home with the same memories and me trying to convince him to let me stop treatment an be normal.

But that was before I learned that I wasn't normal, and I never would be.

~

I....whatever. 

It's Friday, give me a break.

:-/

\-:

~Cal~