I stare blankly out the window as rain runs down the glass. The outside world looking like how I felt inside. Thunder boomed and I could feel it in my chest like a heart beat.
"Sarah dinner!"
My mom called up the stairs, but I didn't leave my room. It hurt to walk. Weighed down by my emotions. The sadness heavy in my chest, my lungs.
My soul.
Lightning flashed across the sky. Lighting up a cold painful world full of despairing children and families. Of those lost to more pain. Adding to the sorrow. An endless cycle of cut out hearts.
The sons and daughters of withered memories. Washed away like the rest of us. Torn and shredded. Ripped open and dissected.
"Please come downstairs. Your dinner will get cold."
I didn't turn my head at the sound of my mothers voice. I couldn't eat. Not when he wasn't eating too.
Images of nurses holding me down stuffing a tube down my throat to force needed nutrients into my stomach made me want to vomit.
I blinked allowing for a moment to feel something other than the sadness that kept eating away at my soul.
I stood up wanting to fall to the floor and drag myself to the kitchen by my nails knowing the physical pain of splintering the tips of my fingers would be nothing compared to the emptiness I feel.
My light snuffed out by a devil in the middle of the night. My soul ripped apart by monsters that laughed as they tore it apart with their claws. Slashing and tearing away using their teeth. Hot searing pain surged through the cavity of my heart as I pictured his face.
"It's good to walk around honey. You don't need to be cooped up in your room. It's been a month now..."
He brought me so much joy. Together forever he told me. As I sipped at the soup that he could have made for me.
I stared blankly at the table for a few moments before taking another sip. Ignoring the stares of my parents. Probably conspiring against me. To rid me of my illness. An illness deep in the recesses of mind.
I don't want to be rid of it. I revel in it. Because this is how he felt. As close as I can get to understanding would be to take on his pain. Pain he shared with me.
Pain I wish I could've taken from him.
