Ambivalance- the state if having simultaneous, sometimes conflicting feelings towards something - like feeling happy and sad at the same time.
Do you know what Ambivalent means? It’s an emotion, something you think you feel. It’s happy and sad at the same time. But we don’t actually feel anything. We think we do, we think all these things. We all think we feel something. When really it’s just our mind tricking ourselves. I really don’t know how to explain this but anyways, in my opinion if I had to choose how I feel I would say I feel ambivalent. I’m unsure how I feel actually. I don’t think I feel anything. Probably the best way to describe it is sad and happy. But I really wouldn’t know. I don’t know much.
Anyways, I came here to tell everyone about my life. This might just be longest story any average 7th grader has ever wrote. But I guess I’m not really average am I? I’m below it. By the way, I have no way to start this story in such an exciting way so it’s going to be a bit boring when it come to talking about my parents.
Now let me tell you about my parents before anything else. Theres my dad that I must talk about. He came from the worst childhood for a young boy that had a ruined future from the beginning. See my dad’s father, hated my dad. Well for now, let’s call my dad Jimmy so this doesn’t get confusing. Jimmy’s from Peru. Peru was a hard life back then. But Jimmy’s parents weren’t the best parents. His own dad had hated him for being the darkest child. Well, he didn’t hate he just used to always say that JImmy wasn’t his actual son. Jimmy was beaten with wires, belts, etc. All because he was a darker then the rest of his brothers and sisters. He told me stories of when his dad had locked him in the room as a kid and beaten him with the thick wires and belts they kept. It really teared me up. His family was really poor and well there were 10 kids in the family. He had 9 nine brothers and 1 sister. His sister used to always sew all her clothes. All his siblings got only one toy. Jimmy got one toy, one little toy soldier. That had gotten stolen. He always told me that since his family was poor and his only happiness had got stolen he started stealing as well. He said he broke into houses as a child and stole food and broke toys for the rich kids. Everyone knew him and his brothers as the creeping thieves in the streets. Everyone was surprised to find out that my dad ended up in the army being 17, he had lied he was 18 to get in of course. With all the beatings his dad had given him, he was strong and lasted at least a year in the army. His mother was very caring and he always talked about her food was the best thing his mouth has craved since the day he left from peru. He used to tell me that I was as beautiful as her and that he missed her a lot. But anyways, since his dad had always abused him my dad, Jimmy, had decided to make a grand good-bye at 19. He dad had still been hitting him and he got tired of it. So one night Jimmy told me that he bashed the chair over his own dad’s back. The silence in the kitchen that night had inhaled all the surprisement and fear that sent down his families back and shone in their eyes, as they gazed at my dad with astonishment . Jimmy felt powerful at the presence of his own dad’s pain. He used to always talk about how the curses flew out of his mouth that night and the words were finally spilling out without fear existing behind them. Ever since that night he traveled on his own with only a small bag of clothes thumping against his back along the way. Thirteen countries is what he had gone through to get to America. But in those thirteen countries my dad had gotten locked up for 2 years in Panama. But he said in Panama the court never remembered the timing each person got in jail, so practically you just stayed in jail for as long as they wanted over there. He said they treated him poorly and well since he got tired of it, he broke out one night and decided to go visit his family. Can you imagine all the stress that would’ve been for yourself? Pretty tough right? But not for Jimmy. See, after that when he went to go visit his family they couldn’t even recognize him because when they last seen him, he was always sunburnt and very dark, he also had short hair like normal boys and just weighed about average. But now since they had not fed him much at the jail, he grown to be really skinny and obviously there was no haircuts, so his hair was long. Also since he had never been out in the sun, he’d been lighter at the time, no more sunburns. But since his family wasn’t recognize he’d figure that he would just move on. My dad traveled 13 states and ended up here. He was adored for so many car shops, he could take a car apart by 13 and put it back together. My dad is a very smart man, he read a whole medical dictionary but it’s how he cares for himself that ruined his career. Now he just works on semi-trucks and makes about 50,000 a year which still isn’t enough. Anyways, before I tell you how my dad and my mom met each other in the next chapter, let me tell you about my mom too.
