Forever is a Strong Word

Chapter 9

I followed Sage back to my room holding her hand. She glances at me ever so often as we sit on the bed with a look in her eye. A look I can't quite make out. It looks like pain.

"I didn't know your mom died Alex." she says shaking her and looking at me. "How could've I been so stupid and inconsiderate?"

"Stop Sage. I hate hearing you blame things on yourself, especially when it's not you. I didn't tell you. How were you supposed to know?" I ask.

There's a small moment of silence, her eyes searching my face. Then she finally asks, "Why didn't you tell me?"

I swallow hard, and play with my fingers for a while. Picking at my nails. She swiftly puts her hand on top of mine, stopping me from my stalling. She looks me deep in the eyes.

"Please tell me." I hear her whisper quietly.

Why does she do this to me? She should be able to tell by now that I will do anything, say anything, and be anything for her. She has that power over me. And I hate it.

"I was 7." I start "I was probably the happiest, luckiest little boy you would ever meet in your entire life. So friendly and joy filled. Then one day, my first day of first grade, my mom was packing my lunch. I was upstairs brushing my teeth, and my dad was at the car dealership. All of a sudden I hear a glass break. I yell for her, but she doesn't answer. I start to panick, so I ran downstairs...".

I pause. I bite my lip, trying to push back tears. I hold my breath slightly. I never like to cry, nor did it alot. Sage moves closer and holds my hand tight.

"Alex you don't have to-"

"No!" I yell. I look to her "You derserve the truth."

She swallows hard, and nods her head ever so slightly.

I take a deep breath "There was blood, gushing out of her head."

I see Sage cover her mouth out of the corner of my eye. I stiffen up and wrap my arms around her, with my chin on the top of her head I continue.

"I screamed, and screamed for her. But she just lay there with a blank expression on her face. Luckily for me, my neighbors came running in. They quickly dialed 911. They came in 6 minutes later, putting her on a gurney was the hardest thing for me to see. Night after night after night I would cry myself to sleep. I couldn't see her, I was too young to go intensive care unit."

I pause again, this time a tear slipped down my cheek. I feel her rub her hands up and down my chest.

"I'm so sorry!" I hear her whisper "I'm so sorry!"

I swallow hard, not allowing her words to sink in knowing it will make me cry even more.

"January 14, 2003, was... by far the- the worst day of my life. She died before she could live her life. But every single day... I regret leaving her funeral. I regret not saying good bye, or saying anything. My dad was possibly worse than me. He was never home. He never really talked to me. I mean he was a 30 year old man, with an 8 year old son who just lost his mom. He didn't know what to do."

I lift my chin off of her head, and look down. Her tiny body is shaking. And her eyes are not very red, but red for her. I grab both sides of her face and rest my forehead against hers.

"I just wish things were different, you know? But the moment I met you Sage... everything changed. It was like I had forgotten about the 6 years my mom had been dead. I had forgotten that my dad was an acoholic. I forgot that I was living in the buissiest city in the United States, because immediately you-" I pause again and look into her eyes.

"You became my world. I didn't need anything, I didn't want anything. I just wanted you. 2 years went by and I hadn't even tlked to you once. Then, the one day that I was going to talk to you... Josh put weed in my locker."

"That son of a bitch." she whispers.

I laugh slightly. "I avoided you for another 2 years. But don't think I din't notice you. I watched you. Every. Single. Day. I wanted you so bad, it hurt. When we talked for the first time Sophmore year, I felt as though I was gonna find happiness again. I had started smoking in our last year of junoir high, and I tried to stop." I pause again

"For you."

She exhales loudly at this.

"When we were best friends I would think everyday I love her. Everyday." I lift my head up from hers

"When we fell out, it was like going back to the wasps' nest. I was so jealous of what you and Josh had. A dick, like that, doesn't deserve a girl half as special as you. Thats when I smoked weed and cut myself. I wanted to get high to forget about everything. But the wasp stings would always come back. Always."

I untwine my fingers from hers, and gently take a peice of her hair and put it behind her ear. "I never wanna lose you again baby." I say with another tear spilling down my cheek "Never!"

She takes her slender fingers to wipe away my tears. She holds my face and kisses my nose.

"See, the truth is Alex," she starts "I can't live without you with me." I smile slightly "I was just alive without you, now I'm living."

I pull her close so that our lips meet again. This kiss was different from our others. It was more passionate and dessperate. My arms wrapped tightly around her waist. And hers moving upward to find themselves around my neck. I move my hands up to her face, and kiss her even more passionately. She soon pulls away, and my lips tingle from our heated kiss, longing for hers. She wraps her long, slender legs around my torso.

"I love you." she whispers "I just love you so m-" I cut her off by stealing her lips again.

This time my hand run up and down her hairless thighs and slightly under her bum. She puts her hands in my hair, playing slightly with the curls. "Promise to never leave me." I whisper pulling away.

"I swear." she says pecking me on the cheek. "I can't leave you. I need you." I smile and kiss her forhead. We sit there for a moment, just embracing eacthothers presence. My hands moving up and down her legs.

"Sage?" I ask.

"Yea," she replies slightly smiling.

"Can you tell me about your dad?"

She looks away for a little bit and bites her lip. she looks back into my eyes, and nods her head.

"I will tell you everything."