The breakup was hard and I hadn't heard from her for a while after that until she had messaged me one day. It was some time after when she talked to me but we began to talk again and would hangout. This cycle went on for a while until she decided to break up with him. I don't remember all the details but I do remember holding her and saying I still loved her and I wouldn't ever leave, we had a couple year span where we were on and off until one day she told me to not talk to her again. A year later she had came up to me and given me her new number and we rekindled. Honestly I don't remember what after that, everything fades quick when there aren't a lot of memories to hold onto. It became a vicious cycle of on and off and at points we were great together, other times we were fire and gas. I tried to keep her, other times I pushed her away, didn't talk and just plain out ruined things. I got caught in a cycle of not being able to let go of the past simply because in the past I was happy, a majority of the time at that point I was just miserable unless I had her. And that carried for years, through relationships I tried to maintain after that and when I would soon leave state and come back hoping to make me and her work. With the out of state part I had been planning to move with a friend but was back and forth. I wanted me and her to work but wasn't sure if it would, so I never told her. I had finally gotten her back when the time came to move shortly after, she said I should go, thinking I would be happier if I did. So we broke up and I left, I came back, wanted to get her back and seen she had already went back to an ex, then to someone we worked with. But I hadn't known the truth, she had started dating him at first as a hoax to make me jealous, she didn't plan to actually get feelings for him, but by the time she had I had given up. I lost the small piece of hope I had left. After I moved back I got my own house which I rented and she much to my surprise came to visit, and we even got a cat we both took care of when she would come over to spend time with me. But this too came to an end when I was stupid. I had let myself slip into a place of blaming myself thinking that it was my fault I came back and things didn't work out. if I would have known there was hope and that it was a hoax at first I might have done something different, things might have been different. Eventually she didn't talk to me and moved out of state. The chance was gone, the hope lost. All I had left was one kiss as she had left.
Story ends there I'm afraid. I have edited this final part to shine some light where I hadn't known things, but knowing things doesn't change the ending, she is still gone and despite everything I would still give anything to get her back. No matter how many times I get chosen last, I know its my fault for thinking this way and I accept it.
