The rain was pouring down, blurring my vision, my laces trailing in the mud, I could see the shapes of the trees as I ran past them. I wasn't sure why I was running, or if I was running towards something or away from it.
All of a sudden, I fell. My laces entwined, my ankles connecting as I fell in the mud. I needed to run, I knew that. But I couldn't find the strength. My body was immobile. Eventually all I could see in the darkness were two eyes of an owl, its call a lullaby. So eventually, I fell asleep.
When someone you love dies, Its like they're holding onto your heart, squeezing it as a reminder every time you hear that song, see that picture or taste that taste. So even when your holding onto them, it just makes it that much harder.
I woke up and it was still raining, well, at least I assumed I woke up, unless I was still dreaming. I suppose I was because I could feel the damp cool earth beneath me, feel the water hit me like tears and still feel the need to get away from this monster. I picked myself up, I felt the velvet-like bark, I heard whispers in the wind in the leaves. I heard her name.
Mum.
It surprised me how fast my heart sank, just by the thought of her. How detailed her face was, with the same scar below her right eye, how I could see her blond hair whisping against her neck. I still remember her falling, the water swallowing her whole and not letting her out. Her sinking, me floating. We were opposites, perhaps, or two halves of the same whole.
I am running. Why am I running? I need to stop before this fear consumes me. I stop, I fall, I always fall. She's here. I see her eyes, she steps out from behind the shadows.
It's me?
It's weird how I didn't realize that the monster I was running from was actually me all along.
