Tell Me How To Reach You (Camren

14

Camila's mom looks a little surprised to see Lauren at the door so late, but she doesn't question her and tells her that Camila is upstairs in her room. As Lauren walks up the stairs she starts having flashbacks to the many times she's climbed up these before. Before there were so many cameras, before there was a record deal, before she realized that wanting to kiss Camila wasn't just a best friends thing.

She's such an idiot. How can someone be so blind when it comes to themselves?

She reaches the familiar door and quickly knocks once before she loses her nerve. She hears a muffled, "come in!" knows its now or never, and turns the door knob. She walks inside and quietly shuts the door behind her.

Camila looks up and sees who it is, and she quickly slams her laptop shut, gets off her bed and stands up. Lauren's surprised she already has a new laptop.

"I would have bought you a new one," Lauren says, gesturing towards the computer.

"What are you doing here?" Camila responds, ignoring her comment.

"I came to apologize."

"For what?" Camila laughs bitterly, clearly on the attack, "Doing coke? Calling me a dyke? Throwing a phone at my head and knocking the wind out of me? Or, wait, for breaking my computer and trashing an entire hotel room?"

Any effort Lauren had put into keeping it together quickly faded and silent tears started rolling down her cheeks. Camila's eyes softened at the sight, and her tone dropped before she spoke again.

"I'm sorry, that wasn't fair of me –"

"No, you're right." Lauren interrupts, "I'm sorry. For all of it. I know that's not enough but it's all I can say. I'm so fucking sorry, Camz."

Camila takes a step towards her, and the v-neck she's wearing falls down enough so that Lauren can see the top of a deep bruise right under the girl's collarbone.

"Did I do that to you?"

The younger girl stops moving towards her and readjusts her shirt to hide the bruise. Lauren starts crying even harder.

"I know you didn't mean to hit me, you didn't realize I was coming up behind you."

"But I did hit you," Lauren is sobbing uncontrollably now, "I didn't see you but I still did that to you."

They stay like that for a few minutes, Lauren crying and neither of them saying a word.

Once the older girl has calmed down and started breathing slower, Camila speaks again.

"Why'd you do it Lauren? The drugs, the meltdown. What's going on with you?"

Lauren knows that she has to be honest, or at least try to be, because if she doesn't answer this she knows that the girl in front of her will walk. Walk right out of her life. And she can't think of anything more painful than that possibility.

"Do you remember your first crush?" Lauren asks quietly.

"What?"

"You know, your first crush. I had mine when I was in first grade. Do you remember yours?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Mine was Megan Jones."

Camila is silent. Her eyes have gone wide, but she isn't saying anything. She's looking at the girl across from her intently, as if she's starting to put the pieces together. Lauren has to laugh to herself because she knows Camila probably did already put the pieces together a long time ago. That would be her luck. But she's never heard Lauren say it out loud, so that has to be something kind of shocking, right?

"Wanna know what the funny part is?"

"What?" Camila responds, still frozen in place.

"I didn't realize she was my first crush until, like, a week ago. Isn't that hilarious? It took me that long to realize that my first crush was on a girl. And every crush I've ever had after that has been too. How pathetic is that? I literally didn't realize it for eighteen years." Lauren's sarcastically laughing because it really is comedic, if you think about it.

"Lauren..."

"So that's why." Lauren cuts off the other girl, "I got really drunk to forget about how dumb I am, and then I figured that drugs would make me forget even more. And then when I came back to the room and saw you I just...lost it."

"Why? Because you thought I wouldn't support you?"

Camila asks it in a way that lets Lauren know that she has no idea how Lauren feels about her. Not really, at least. She genuinely doesn't get it, she thinks that Lauren was just afraid to tell her that she likes girls. She can be so naïve, but Lauren kind of loves that about her.

Love. There it is. Lauren loves Camila. She really, really does.

"No. Becau–", Lauren gets cut off by the loud ring of the younger girl's cell phone.

"Shit," Camila mutters before grabbing her phone off the bed, ignoring the call, and throwing it back down. She's quick, but not quick enough. Lauren see's the name on the screen before she hits ignore.

Austin.

She loses her nerve in that moment, because for all she knows they're in love with each other, and he's calling to tell her to come back to LA soon.

"What were you saying? Because...?" Camila speaks again, her eyes burning holes into Lauren's. The older girl can't seem to find any words so she's just staring back at her.

People had always joked that Lauren and Camila were on the same wavelength, that they must have ESP or something, but in that moment Lauren swears that she really does hear Camila's voice in her head.

It's saying I need you to say it out loud. Please just say it out loud.

But she's scared, so she doesn't.

"Um, no, you were right. I was just scared you wouldn't be supportive. That's all."

She swears that the second the words leave her mouth she see's Camila's heart break. She see's it in her eyes. She doesn't know what to do with that, though. She thinks she must be hallucinating again.

"Oh," the younger girl says, "Well, it doesn't bother me."

"Cool, good to hear," Lauren replies, wiping another stray tear from her eye, "It's late, I should probably get home. I just wanted to apologize. I promise when we all get back to work I'll be better."

Lauren's swiftly moving towards the door, reaching for the knob, trying to get out of there as soon as possible so that she can properly break down, when she feels a hand on her arm, and it spins her back around. Soon there are arms wrapped tightly around her, and she can feel a breath on her neck.

Camila hugs her without warning, and she's not letting go. She doesn't say anything, and they stand there together for quite some time.

When the younger girl finally pulls away, Lauren can see the top of that damn bruise again, peaking out from the neckline of the other girl's shirt, and for a minute she forgets about her doubts and she forgets about Austin Mahone.

Lauren gets bold and leans down, gently moving Camila's shirt so that she can see the entire bruise and she slowly presses her lips to the purple skin, lightly kissing it. She feels the younger girl tense up at her touch, and then she feels that her heart is beating rapidly, so she pulls back and meets the girl's gaze.

"I'm sorry," Lauren mutters, unsure if she just ruined everything.

"I'm not," Camila whispers.

She swears she hears the younger girl's voice in her head again. Maybe everyone was right about that damn ESP.

This time it's saying, just fucking kiss me, Lauren.

So she does.