Ruining Reputations

"I'll miss you", my boyfriend Jack kisses my forehead.

"You really have to go?" I whined, tears forming in my eyes.

"You know how much I don't wan-"

"Jack, hurry up we're gonna miss our flight!", his dad called

"I am, I'll be there in two minutes!" he yelled back

Two minutes...two and the only person who I need will be gone, back all the way across the world in Paris.

"Okay, I really have to make this quick but I need to tell you... I'm not gonna let you keep holding on to me, your beautiful strong and independent...-"

"What are you saying?" I interrupted.

"I'm saying that while I'm gone, go on a date, talk to new guys and just move on from me." he said, sounding defeated.

"No, how could you say that? I can't move on not now! It's gonna take me a long and painful time to even think abou-"

He interrupted my rambling and kissed long and passionately.

"I love you Katelyn Johnson," he said kissing my forehead.

"....And I promise one day I'll come back for you." he said.

One more kiss and hug and he was gone.

Gone.

And I'm not one of those sappy girls who need their boyfriend with them to be happy, but Jack was more than my boyfriend.

I met Jack when I was twelve in middle school, we became friends after we sat with each other on the bus one day and have been ever since.

A month later, my mom left me, my nine other siblings and my dad.

I didn't like to cry, or show any emotion period. My dad always told me  I was the concrete that held this family together, so I thought I had to be tough you know? So I was.

It had been a week and a half and my mom hadn't come back, and by then we knew she wasn't going to. I hadn't cried, or even admitted I was upset. I guess I wasn't really that upset anymore, just really mad.

I mostly convinced everyone I was fine. But not Jack, he told me he could see right through my lies one night when he was over. He also said I didn't have to hide my emotions from him. Then I just broke down. I'm not really sure it was because I was upset, I think it was mostly just from stress.

He didn't make it awkward or uncomfortable, or  give me one of those "pep talks" about how everything's gonna be fine and crap like that. He just hugged me and let me cry. And that's all I want from people, anything else I feel like I'm being crowded. I know people are trying to be nice when they do that stuff, but I just prefer to be left alone.

After that we started dating. I've never been closer to anyone than him. To everyone else, when they asked me how I'm doing my response would be "good" or "fine" even when I wasn't and that would be it. But with Jack I would actually tell him what I'm thinking and feeling and he actually understood me and he could tell when I'm lying or when something else was going on. For the first time in my I just had felt comfortable with someone.

Jack was my only "safe haven" if you will with what was going on at home.

A month after my mom left she still hadn't come back, not one phone call, nothing. Hell, we didn't even know where she was.

But as much as I thought it was hard for us, I just thought about my dad and how hard it must be for him. I knew they didn't exactly "get along". I don't even think they wanted to be together. The oldest in us kids was my older brother Chris. He was and accident, my mom was only nineteen and my dad was twenty one. They raised him together, but they weren't exactly "in a relationship". It was kinda an on and off relationship between them, they were never careful and kept on having accidents until there were ten kids. They both loved us I'm sure, but I always knew there was something different about my mom. She always cared a little bit more about herself. My dad says it was because she was never ready to have kids, ten of them at that.

And now all the stress inside of her boiled up and exploded and she left, probably not even caring.

My dad got all ten of us together and said "Okay, I'll go to work everyday, get enough money to pay rent and put food on the table, you guys do the rest." And then he was gone, out the door and on his way to work for eleven hours. I couldn't really complain, what else was he supposed to do or say.

I wasn't the oldest I was the seventh kid out of all ten, and thought I wouldn't be doing that much. Boy was I wrong.

All of my older siblings were jerks and only cared about themselves, going out with friends, and their "social life". Except my older sister Jennifer, but she immediately got a job to help my dad out with the money and worked seven hours everyday. I have four older brothers, two older sisters, two younger sisters, and one younger brother. All six of my older siblings, with the exception of Jennifer who was working, were never home. They were always out partying and getting drunk leaving me to do everything, against my will, but I had no choice. It was either I do it or it won't get done.

So I became the new mom, I did all the cooking and cleaning, laundry, made my younger siblings lunch for school, helped them with their homework, gave them baths, did their hair, make them dinner, put them to bed,, made sure they appeared presentable, taught them right from wrong, be there for them when they needed me, got them off the bus, and just overall raised them. That doesn't even include my own school work, and I got good grades, I was a straight A student on high honor roll. I worked hard with my education so one day I could get a scholarship to college, because that would be the only way I could go, and get a really good job that pays well and help out with my family.

I never got any thank-yous. I got a few from my dad because in reality I did everything for him, without me this entire family would be apart. I tried to control my older siblings, I really did. But they are so unreasonable, words can't even describe. For example, my other older sister, Maddie was supposed to stay home and help me clean one day, but she wanted to go out with her friends, so in order to she hand-cuffed me to a bed so I couldn't stop her. She left me home alone, hand-cuffed to a bed for six hours. It would've been more if Jennifer hadn't come home and help me. They all only care about themselves and just wouldn't listen, not even to my dad. They made everything harder. My dad says they're all just like my mom.

We lived in a small town. Everyone knew everyone. And we all had "reputations" if you wanna call it, just things that we're known for. I was known for being hard-working, independent, and intelligent. I'm the kind of girl people would want to watch their kids. I guess you could say I had a pretty good reputation.

I was now sixteen. My oldest brother Chris is 24, then is my sister Jennifer and she's 23, next is my brother Ryan and he's 22, then my brother Brandon who's 21, then my brother Brennan who's 19, then my sister Maddie who's 18, then there's me, then my younger sister Kaylee who's 13, then my other younger sister Haylee who's 9, then finally my younger brother Dylan who's 8.

So now that Jack was gone, I felt alone again. Like someone had just took everything away from me, again. I just felt defeated.