Beautiful,
anxious,
over dramatic,
Friendly,
Loving,
Impatient, and so much to me isn't there.
This isn't a poem or a message Im trying to get across. No. These are just... questions.
Is life...
Anxiety in the air floating around like how you feel when you haves a panic attacks, alone, and even helpless..
Or the feeling of hopelessness and being eager for the wanting of people to know you are sad and try to give hints, but you just can't say.... I'm fine.
Being called lazy, but you don't have a choice because you're nauseous and have no hope once you put two feet on the ground.
Try to be accused for having attitude, but you're just angry and just want to scream...
Bottling up for it to explode, but
it's not loud enough.
Forget that t- shit at target because money issues are handed out like cards during Crazy Eights.
Is life...
Knuckles hitting my face every time a judgment is being called
Weight?
Looks?
Art?
What else?
Being forced to hold a mask to my face like a Halloween costume, but not having the option to have the pleasure to take it off....
There's no fresh air in the mask.
In fact, it's hard to breathe.
Overwhelming is the extra credit vocabulary.
Some say just take it step by step, but I can't. Mentally and physically.
School makes me nervous, overwhelmed, scared even.
But everyone says the same.... Just focus on your work blah blah blah
Sitting at lunch surrounded by people I don't even know, maybe two I know and love, but who's the girl diagonal from, next to me... Who is this girl and who's that girl...?
Is life...
Being easily affected by a word
Knowing words are being passed out like a couple shots to friends.
Or how about your personal life being told at sleepovers like an urban legend.
How about hating that you don't know if this person knows your deepest secret because.... of that party.
Is life...
Bipolar and fake friends..
They both started out small and it grew into something that's too big for my "flower pot".
Fake friends...
Come and go...
So hard tho.
How? Just how? Do I get her out of my life?
Bipolar...
My friends think I'm just moody..
I'm not.
Happy then sad.
Angry then anxious.
Is life...
Fat shaming?
Hair too frizzy and hair to oily?
She says she's just being an honest friend.
Ok.
But is being honest saying you're not ugly... But... You're not pretty right after I tell a story about mean girls.
Is being honest...
Insulting the things I love and enjoy just because you think you're better than me.
How about saying don't wear those shorts next time or just fit through this door... If you can.
Or saying I like my art and then you saying if you think so.
I build up my self -esteem and then you just.... Destroy me.
No one expects me to say or act these things...
I don't blame them.
I'm up and down..
Sad, happy.
Oh well.
My suicidal thoughts jump in all directions.
Don't worry though.
I want to live for stuff.
But for what?
Husband? Children?
Education? Housing?
I don't know.
Who would want me?
Fat. Ugly. Stupid.
Oh well.
