The Words You Left Unspoken

O n e

Perfect scores of 100 points in each paper and each exam. Excellent grades every year, and parents who are both more than successful in life. My mother being the chief physician of the local hospital, and a father who is handling his own company. A life which couldn't be any better, right? At least, this is what it seems like when someone watches me from afar. When you look at me, a seventeen years old graduate with a bright future ahead of me, no one can see the lasting pressure weighing down on my shoulders. Working harder than everybody else to fulfill everyone's high expectations: attending school without missing a day once, going to piano lessons twice a week because my parents want me to, or even learning three different languages at once. I'm obediently listening to everything I'm supposed to do because that is what people expect from me. What I have started to expect from me as well.

But I can't complain about my life since I have a family and friends who love me, enough food, and a warm house which keeps me safe. So why do I feel so empty? Why do I feel as if there is something missing in my life? Something that can make the colors of my life shine brightly.

Another Thursday evening after attending three hours of piano lessons when I'm walking home alone. A routine which I have been following twice a week for almost three years now. A routine which hasn't even changed once. Lessons always start at six o'clock on the dot and end at nine in the evening. My walk home takes around thirty minutes by foot and I already know that my maid Anna is going to stand in the entrance at 9:30 P.M sharp, waiting for me with a cup of water and vitamins in her hands. Then, I'm going to take a shower, as I always do, and go to bed while reading another book about European cultures. My father told me that it is very important to be educated about different countries and their cultures in case I'll be working in a place where I'll need to deal with international contacts. Since then, I haven't stopped reading these kinds of books even though I don't enjoy reading them at all, and without knowing whether I'll be working in this field. But by telling me that it is important, I instantly felt the need to perform to meet his expectations.

Deeply lost in my thoughts, I stumble against another person before I immediately apologize for my misbehavior. I am feeling so burdened with all these tasks and lessons that I have found myself, with increasing frequency, drifting away inside my thoughts. The only place where I can be free and do whatever I truly want.
A boy with pecan-brown, ruffled hair wearing a large, black hoodie stands in front of me. His facial muscles dead when our eyes meet for an instant, and I immediately know that I have seen him before. This mixture of blue and gray in his piercing eyes, which reminds me of the clouded sky before a rainfall, seem so familiar to me that I can't help to stare at his face a little longer. Studying the bruises and cuts on his pale face until he pulls his hood over his head, hiding his hair and face underneath the dark shadow before passing me without saying a single word.
My friends have always warned me to cross paths with him. A delinquent who always skips school and involves himself in illegal activities or fights. Since it has been my friends who told me to stay away from him, I have believed everything they told me. Today was the first time that I met him even though one could not really call this meeting him. He didn't say a word when he passed me, but it seemed as if he was beaten up. He seemed to be in pain. He looks so slim that I can't really apprehend how a boy like him is able to fight against anyone.

And for some reason, I still don't know whether I should feel glad or mistreated when he completely ignored my existence.    

By the time I glance at my wristwatch once, I notice that it is already twenty minutes past nine and realize that I still have more than half of the way to go. Anna is going to be worried when I don't arrive at 9:35 P.M the latest. A deep sigh leaves my lips before I start walking faster to outbalance the time I have already wasted.