The Words You Left Unspoken

S e v e n

My night was restless and long. This unknown side of him knocked me off balance without any warnings. The smile in his eyes, the chuckle filling the air, and his jokes were all so new to me. But still, I like them all. I wonder how many of his expressions I have yet to discover. There is this transparent rope around me, pulling me towards him. And it feels like I don't have any control over myself. My mind wandering where my body can't follow. Why am I feeling so comfortable being with him? It feels as if it's a previously stored reaction inside my brain.

The way he looked out for the little boy yesterday showed me that he indeed has a heart deeply hidden somewhere in his scarred body. Aunt Irene told me that one doesn't know why people behave the way they do and it's only now that I truly understand the message behind her words. There had to be something which caused him to became the way he is since I strongly believe that he's his true self when he's at peace with whatever is eating him from the inside out. For some reason, I want to be the one who helps him recovering from his injuries, his pain, helping him to accept his scars and learning to love them because they are a part of him.

"Amber", his deep voice greets me weakly when he pushes the heavy door of the roof open, keeping the promise I have forced onto him. Yesterday, I've forced him to agree to meet up today. He didn't like the idea of us seeing each other, but since I've already announced that we're friends and that I don't accept anything beyond a yes, he finally agreed. But I didn't think that he would show up looking like that. His lip cut open while the left side of his face was already slightly swollen. Did he have another fight? Ignoring all the things I've said yesterday when I've told him to behave like a human. His face looks horrible. As if he had to take a lot of hits.

"What happened to you?", the worry in my voice unable to hide ere I stand up and decrease the distance between us. His alarmed eyes staring at me before he dodges my hands reaching for his face.

"Why did you want me to come here?"

"I wanted to talk to you", I shrug, realizing that he changes the subject on purpose. Even though I thought that I broke a part of his wall down, it seems to be as strong as ever. What do I have to do to make him open up to me completely? Will I ever be able to force myself into his world?

"So, you're back to your old self?"

"I've never changed", he lies, reminding myself that he has another side. A side of him which jokes around, smiles and seems to be at peace. The side of him which I like the most.

"Yesterday, you-", I start but he cuts me off immediately. His hands ruffle through his hair before his words throw me off guard.

"I don't remember anything."

"You're lying!"

"I was on drugs, Amber. I don't remember anything, and you should forget whatever happened, as well", he says with his cold voice, and I stare into his blank eyes. No signs of peace left in them and my heart sinks into a puddle of sorrow. He was on drugs? Was that why he smiled so openly? Why whe was able to joke around? But then why would he comfort a kid? Why would he spend his time at the ocean? Irritation is making it hard for me to tell what is true and what isn't.

"Then why are you here? We promised to see each other. You even remembered the correct time", I mumble as a deep sigh escapes his mouth before I avert my eyes, staring at the ground. How can the words he says affect me this much? The way he behaves, the words he chooses, they all control me and my feelings. I hate it. I don't like the way I feel.

"You wrote it down right here, remember? I just saw it this morning", his cold voice counters, and I stare at the back of his pale hand, seeing my writing staining his white skin.