Transitioning

Now

I remember the day I told my parents that I wanted to become a woman. Their faces were filled with such disgust and agony, and they had no intention of hiding it. My father slapped me hard across my face and called our priest to tell him about having an "abomination" in his house. It was like he thought he could "pray away the gay", as if this was just a phase I was going through.

"If you don't see the me as the woman I want to be, then why would I listen to anything you say."

Those were the last words I said to my parents before I packed my bags and left home at 17 and went to live with my aunt in Brooklyn. It's been 3 years since I was Henry, and my transition to Jessica wasn't easy. Besides the unrelenting torments and social media bullying, it was hard to get a job without getting looks or being declined just because of my looks. I worked hard to earn enough money to get surgery and implantations to finally become the woman I had always dreamed of back when I traded my trucks for Barbie dolls.

I've always wanted to be a model even before I was sure about my gender identity, and at 21 I was in perfect shape for it. At 6'2, 120 pounds, and with my highly defined bone structure, I was the embodiment for a flawless model. But being transgender, nothing ever comes easy. Every agency I applied at, they always had some stupid comment like "You're just not what we're looking for", or, "Maybe next time.". It's like they're afraid of a girl with a penis.

Finally my opportunity opened up when I was browsing through Instagram one day and found out about a new modeling agency called Slay Models. It was the 1st model agency made exclusively for transgender models and focused more on the passion of being a model than the gender you associate with. I signed up immediately and a week later, I was sent to call-back and was a new member of the team. When I went home that day I was ecstatic, and it finally seemed like all the hurt and depression I went through was all worth it. I was finally considered a person, and a person that was finally allowed to express their true passion.

After landing some small photoshoots for fragrances and such, I finally landed a rare possibility for transgender models. I got a text from Danny, my manager, telling me that I landed a spot to walk in Yves Saint Laurent designs next week in the New York Fashion Show. With my brain trying to comprehend all the emotions I was feeling, I just burst out in tears. Everything was falling into place and my life seemed complete. There was just one twinge of sadness when I heard the practice run-through was going to be held in Manhattan. My birthplace and where my parents still live to this day. I have never talked to them since they day I walked out.

It wasn't like I was a spiteful person, I still cared for them in my heart. I just couldn't face their harassment again, after being on such a great high nowadays. While I was packing for my trip, memories replayed in my head. My first time my dad helped me ride my bike. When my mom cheered for me at my little league games. The happy times, before everything changed.