The jump

Chloe

2 DAYS AFTER THE JUMP-

I watched as the casket was lowered into the ground, and that's when I knew this was real. I had always wanted to know what it was like to be an only child, where I can have my own bathroom and no one would steal my clothes, but I had never thought that that would actually happen. It was hard to believe that someone who I had looked up to so much was no longer in my life. I miss her voice and her constant scolding when I get on her nerves.

It was just a few days ago when she and I snuck out of the house at night to buy some food because we were hungry, and we were caught by our parents. My parents had said that we were grounded for life, but who knew her life was only going to last a few more days. I felt guilty; why was I alive and she dead? I didn't even know why she had jumped off that bridge. If I knew I would've been able to help her, and that's what makes my heart sink the most.

I didn't know all the details about her death. All that I knew was my mum had found Tia's suicide note on her bed, and a few hours later, a search party found her on the shore of the river.

I can feel my mum next to me now; her shoulders shaking violently as she sobbed. People had approached me and asked me how my mother was handling the death as if I didn't care about Tia's death at all. I would still answer them, though, and tell them that she wasn't handling the loss too well. What I did not tell them though is that she was handling the loss the best; she showed her pain physically by crying. People overlooked my dad and me and assumed we weren't feeling as disorientated as my mum about the loss because of the small sound we were making, but they were wrong. I keep my pain inside of me, never to be seen by others so that I may seem strong because I know that if I break I'd lose my mind.

The police had shown me Tia's suicide note. She gave me her bike to keep, but what use is her bike to me when I will never be able to ride it without thinking of her? She apologised repeatedly in her last written words, but if she knew that committing suicide was going to hurt us why would she still do it? Why would she leave a will like that's going to make up for her not being here anymore? Why didn't she wake me up? I could have helped her. Why didn't she put any effort into living? I was beginning to get mad, and the tears I've tried to hold back were threatening to spill.

It's funny how in a matter of seconds, someone that played a role in your life every single day can turn into just a memory.