I Didn't

I looked around me as the bullets flew above, I looked at my comrades as they lay there, covered in crimson as their lifeless eyes starred at nothing. They were all dead and I was alone, standing against the wall as the sounds of screams and shouts in another language closed in to where I was.

I looked down at my gun, a pistol. It was all I had and yet, I could at least use it to die with honor. In the clip, there were just three bullets, maybe less. I could shoot at the ones responsible for my comrades, no, my friends' demise. I raised my gun and readied my resolve. I was going to do it; I was going to fight. Fight till the end.

I didn't...

Pain shot through me as they took another slice at my arms with that damnable knife. Tortured and beaten, I sat at the mercy of my torturers. All around me, I could hear shouts of questions. They wanted me to betray my fellow soldiers, to give them up in exchange for the end of this nightmare.

I grunted as another man hit me with a sledge hammer on my knee with all his strength. I had to stay strong. I could not betray my comrades; I could not betray my country. I once again had the opportunity to keep my honor. All I had to do was stay quiet.

I didn't...

I sat against the brick wall, only knowing the pain my body was in. Cuts and bruises marred my body and blood pooled around me in a sickeningly slow pace. I was going to die, no doubt about that. They had no more use for me yet they did not care to kill me. In the cell, there was a blade just a foot away from me, left there by my torturers. It was their sick way of giving me an easy way out. An escape...

I was scum and I knew that. I had been captured and I answered all their questions, betraying my own country in the process. I picked the blade shaken, ready to finally put an end to it all. I was broken, beaten. I put the blade to my neck. A flick of the wrist, that was all it would take. I would take my shame and dishonor with me to the grave.

I didn't...

It has been a month now and I knew that food would not come that day. They were running low on supplies and I was worthless to them. My death would be a slow and painful one because of my own weakness.

Right then, an explosion sounded. Bullets began flying as that fateful day my life became hell. Screams and shouts all around me. I could hear them. They were soldiers, the army I belonged to. They were here for me; they were there to save me. No soldier left behind...

I didn't deserve to be saved and as the gates of the cell where opened and they began carrying my broken body through those dark halls in a frenzy. I wanted to tell them to stop, I wanted to tell them to leave my worthless self behind. I didn't deserve to return, I deserved hell. I was going to scream that with all the strength I could manage.

I didn't...

It was over...

I was in a cargo plane, on my way home. Yet, I felt no peace. I was hunted, not only by my time deployed, but by my own sins. I am a traitor, a betrayer of the worst kind. There was no honor, no glory in my return. Just shame.

I didn't even feel the plane land and as the doors opened to reveal me to the world, I was blinded by the light. I walked slowly, to see what would greet me.

There they were. My beautiful wife, crying tears of joy as she saw my face. Next to her was my little princess, my daughter. No older than 6 and just like her mother, she was weeping at my appearance. She ran toward me in heist and jumped in my arms, only uttering one word over and over again as if to confirm that I was there. "Papa, papa..."

My wife walked towards me, slow and deliberate. She took my face in her hands and kissed me softly. "Welcome home..."

Why was I the only one to return?

Why, when I was the one who deserved it the least?

I couldn't accept that, I couldn't just go with my family and forget my comrades who died.

"I'm back"

That time though, I did...