Fire and Ice

Hallway Dilema

"Why would I want to be friends with a queer?"

My heart shattered, my breathed hitched, and I was now the color of a tomato. Great. I thought Gray and I would be real good friends, since we had some similar interests. Not like how everyone else was.

He was genuinely cool guy, so why wouldn't I want to be friends with him. I'm not as oblivious as you guys think I am!

Of course I was aware that nobody liked me. But why pout when I could look my fears straight in the eyes and smile?

Though my plan doesn't seem to work well. Its obvious no matter how hard I smile, life will still give me a hearty slap across the face.

I will try my best not to give up. I matter, I matter, I matter, I matter. I....matter.

I have to tell myself this everyday, and each time I say it, the pattern of words get less and less convincing. The bulling, the threats, the rejection. All of it just hurts more than anyone could imagine.

I'm going to be honest. When I was a kid, I guess you could say I wan't a normal boy. I never acted masculine and my hair color didn't help. 

It's been like this since the first grade, sure we were young, but I'll never forget. It was first grade, and everyone was learning new words around that time. I was on the playground with my best friend, Happy. He wasn't real, he was my stuffed animal, but I took him everywhere I went. 

Once we got called inside we started putting our toys and jackets away, when one of the boys pointed at me, and yelled out. "IS NATSU GAY?" 

Being in first grade, I had no idea what 'gay' meant, so when other kids were laughing, I laughed too. Only to find out when I got home, that 'gay' was a term for boys who liked boys. I didn't know what I liked, but everyone from there on out, called me gay.

Once I started junior high, the word 'gay'. Evolved into faggot. Though the bulling very verbal, that didn't stop it from hurting.

But it started getting physical in the eighth grade. Boys were starting to go through puberty and everyone was high on hormones. Kids like Laxus did, and still do stupid things. 

I do stupid things too. Yeah, I cut, but not as much as when I started. It was after my first fight in the eighth grade, and I was so mad at Laxus. That I just wanted to, it stung but after it felt like a rush. Sure not a good reason, but I did it. Five years later, and I still can't crack my habit.

Five years. Five fucking terrible years of bulling and neglect from my friends, family, and anyone else on the planet. I wanted to kill myself junior year, but then I discovered a love for art and music. My pain and torment, was turned into murals of swirls of color and passion.

Nobody knows of my secret love for art. Not even my "dad". Every weekend I'll slip away into the shadows of town, to decorate the empty brick wall buildings with jaw dropping artwork. Usually I'll be listening to Fairy Tail while I work.

I was snapped to the real world when I heard the bell ring. Gray didn't say anything, he was just eyeing my paper. After noticing my attention he picked up his bag and left with a, "Tch."

It was a universal sign I've come to know. He would never ever give me the time of day. He's just  another person that would hate me.

I packed up my binder before picking up my paper that Gray was just sooooo interested in. I looked down and saw a beautiful drawing. It was a dragon. But it seemed to prace in snow.

That was the day that ice and fire mixed.