Things just seem ''Off'' or ''Wrong.''
I Dont feel Hopeful or happy about anything in my life. Im crying alot for no apparent reason. either at nothing, or something that normally would be insignificant. I feel like im moving (and thinking) in slow motion, and getting up in the morning requires alot of effort.
Carrying on a normal conversation is a struggle. I can't seem to express Myself. Im having trouble making simple decisions, my friends and family really irritate me. and im not sure if i still love my spouse/significant other.
It seems like theres a glass wall, between me and the rest of the world. smiling and stiff feels awkward. its like my smiling muscles are frozen. Im forgetful, and its very difficult to concentrate on anything. am anxious and worried alot. everything just seems hopeless.
I feel like i cant do anything right. and i have recurring thoughts of death and/or suicidal impulses. suicide feels like a welcome relief. I have a feeling of impending doom, i think something bad is going to happen. although i may not be sure of what is going to happen.
I have a very specific fear.. that torments me constantly. In my perception of the world around me, its always cloudy. even on sunny days, it seems Cloudy and Gray. I feel as if im drowning of suffocating. Im agitated, jumpy and anxious most of the time. My senses seem dulled; food tastes bland and uninteresting, i dont bother smelling flowers anymore.
Incessantly and uncontrollably into my mind comes the memory of every failure, every bad or uncomfortable experience, interview or date, like a torrent of negativity.
Im Depressed.
