Late Night in London

Prologue

"Kasuuu... Fifty years over, huh?"

"Faktycznie, faktycznie!"

"Have you forgotten the language already?"

"But oh, my precious, dear lady, I allowed myself to comment in this noble language to emphasize our Polishness, which you, orator, deigned to mention. Forgive me, then, and accept my low bows if my speech in your noble ears turned out to be filth."

My friend took a sip of the tea from the cup she was holding in her hands.

"I feel England in me."

"Just like every time you make love with Stef?" I raised my brow, stopping myself from laughing, which didn't work out for Kama, who had to cough so as not to suffocate.

"How did you know?" she asked, smiling. "And don't you feel Germany in you?"

I nodded my head.

"Then I feel like I could touch MC Hammer," I rendered without a shadow of a joke on my face.

"Just like muttering in his sleep Antz talking about anal sex with Emma Watson. What's wrong with that man?"

"Everything from the dirt in his toe nails up to the roots in his hair... And especially the parts around his waist, which the whole internet and media saw. And not only them," I started to shake, which provoked my friend to snort with laughter.

"I still remember how it would have been a week ago, when he was putting his third photo on MySpace... And do you remember what Ashley was singing on my wedding? Up to this day I'm happy it wasn't a repetition of 'Skinny Horses' in the Dubstep live version."

"Always better than Georg, who decently drunk is able to burp out the whole alphabet. Backwards. In Latin. In one breath. Standing on his head. Brushing his hair. While playing the flute," I hit my forehead with my open hand. "Jesus can turn water into wine. He can change a beaver into a stool," I added after a while, shaking my head with closed eyes.

She sighed.

"Sometimes it seems to me we've been through too much in life, don't you think?" she looked at me.

"Yeah... But we should enjoy what we have, because it's not so little, if you think about it," I raised my brows a little. "The right side of our brains registered the rustling of Red Bull cans as an alarm, to which we wake up every morning. The left side remembered the sound of approaching Ash and communicates us five second earlier before he comes into the room, so we can prepare for it mentally. Whereas in the corners of our brains there are traumas, which we suffered in the company of everyone in this house... This is disturbing, but amazing on the other hand," I agreed.

"At least no one will tell us 'it couldn't have been worse'," she stated. "Because, really, I never thought that, going downstairs to the kitchen in the morning I would be finding a half naked nigger with your children on his arm. But it passed, it passed..."

A silence arose, which Tobi broke. For a while he looked at the veranda, the sky, the lawn, and then he noticed us in the chairs. He raised his brows graciously.

"What a museum..." he muttered.

"How dare you!" I choked on my own spit. "When I was your age, I had to make money for you and me, from which I carried out a souvenir in the form of eternal trauma for papers, and this is how you repay me?!" I grabbed myself by the heart dramatically. "This is not how I brought you up, I thought that..."

"Yes, mum, I love you," he interrupted my melodramatic monologue.

"If you've finished your melancholic scene full of grief and underestimated love," interjected Kama, "then maybe we can find out why he came here?" she pointed to Tobi.

He opened his mouth to answer, but Amy, his fiancée, spoke before him, leaning out into the veranda from the inside.

"The boys are asking what's up with the party..."

"What party? It's only a bloated garden-party with grill and dances," he looked at us. "I arrived, noble ladies, to invite you to a bloated garden-party with grill and dances," he bowed like a nobleman.

My friend even stood up from the chair.

"You know nothing about the parties we had!" I snorted, waving my finger. "Boy, were they the times! At your parties, never will a hairy man in speedo appear, holding a corn cob in his hands and singing an Italian ballad, twisting every word 'darling' to 'hirsute friend'."

"Exactly," I agreed. "After the return from my first London party I understood how boring my life was without that experience. Since that time I know the recipe for waffles, I know all "The Bold and the Beautiful" episodes, I have Andrzej's, Rysiek's from "Klan" and Grażyna's number, I play tag and truth and dare on the ceiling, I use Timotei for washing my hair, I know the "Bob the Builder" version backwards, I stopped using a sophisticated vocabulary and have been scarred for my whole life by the smell of Ash's pants, which you can describe best as stale meat or a Spanish sausage on a Ukrainian meadow..."

"Indeed," she nodded her head in agreement. "Oh, Kasu, do you remember..."

"Enough!" interrupted Tobi.

"You look like someone ate a goat right in front of you," commented on this a grandpa, at the sight of which Amy's feet began to burn to escape. They brought her out to the garden, while her place next to Tobi was taken by... Ashley Neil Horne.

"Ashley, brother!" greeted him my friend.

I looked around with a facial expression of 'what the fuck is this, where am I, who are this people, this is me, this is my son, but this idiot I don't know, which doesn't explain why the earth is flat.'

"Where's your broom?" I asked him, raising my brow in his style.

"Used as a third leg," answered my friend for him, which Ashley commented with a cough. He sat in the chair next to us and pointed his finger to Tobi.

"And this fruit of your womb, alcohol and Dru's hips is doing what here?" he turned to me.

"I wanted to invite you to the garden..." said Tobi.

"Sure... I can just about see how you want to invite him to your party," I winced. "Believe me, I've survived some parties with him, but you won't survive even one."

"These are not the times, boy," assured him additionally my friend.

"Fine, no means no!"

"We didn't say we don't want to revel with you," interjected Ash. "We love parties. Especially strangers'. Free drinks and photos a day later is what I always wanted."

"You're too old," reminded him my friend.

"You're too old for some things as well, and yet you still do them with Stef."

"Go slap carpets!"

"And other things..." I grunted under my nose.

"Mum... Could you do something for us?" my son turned to me.

"Yes?"

"I'm glad you're agreeing already. Can you take care of the kids? We're going back home with Amy, 'cause the party's starting already," he informed me.

"Oh... Sure," I smiled radiantly for an answer.

"Matthew will be there, too, so..." he looked at my friend.

"Sure," she agreed happily.

Before he left, he returned our smiles, which you couldn't say about Ashley, who was nearly literally penetrating a nearby flower with his look. So he didn't notice, when at the veranda's door appeared two girls with such breathtaking beauty, that the veranda had become stuffy. They were friends, close to one another like sisters, they had long blonde hair and they seemed to beam with a delicate silver light. To complete this picture of perfection, the girls were called Kamila and Kasia. Kama and Kasya.