Look Closer

Normal

I suppose you could say things went back to normal in the days that followed my fall into the depths of despair. I went back to training and I kept learning things from Micah and Julie. Micah brought me back to the room and set up some simulations for me to train me again. 

I got out of bed on a daily basis and did everything I could to emulate happiness. Micah's stupid gorgeous face was always there and it was like a stab in the heart every time I saw him. His gorgeous blue eyes and his ruffled blonde hair and those adorable freckles that littered his face. Stop. I shook my head and kept moving forward towards my goal. I knew what I needed to do and I knew what I needed to say. 

Even though everything seems to be going back to normal, nothing will ever be the same. I can feel it when I try to stitch my heart back together. I can feel it when my breathing still hurts. 

I can feel it when I know that I'm still falling and falling and falling for him. I can feel it when I don't even know why anymore but I'm still falling down and down, further than I had ever wanted to go. I blinked hard and pushed back the tears that were threatening to streak down my face. 

Crying was too easy these days. I had spent years putting up a hard shell around myself and now it was all falling away like leaves on a tree. 

My footsteps echoed through the empty hallway as I walked further away from my sanctuary and closer to a place that I hadn't been to in such a long time. 

I stopped when I saw the gold numbers flashing at me in the corner of my vision and turned towards them. My hand fell onto the handle and I pushed it open, ready to complete my goal. 

I sat in front of the WallScreen and waited for the keyboard to appear, typing in a name that I knew all too well. 

Alex Daniel Sincaid 

Age: 18

HoverScreen Number: 078493827 

I took a deep breath, remembering the first time that I had entered the name all too well. I swiped my hand over his number and was presented with the exact same screen as before. 

Text or Call? 

I hesitated and left my hand hovering over the screen, far away from both options. Do I really want to see him when I talk to him? I pictured his face, his deep brown eyes looking at me with concern and his messy brown hair growing and starting to cover his forehead. I imagined the way that he would look at me like I was the only thing in the world. I knew the look he would give me and I knew that I didn't want to see his eyes when I told him what I needed to tell him. 

Me: 

Hey Alex

How are things? 

He didn't respond for a few seconds and I could feel my heart rate increasing. I started to move my hand up to delete the messages and then run away but I could see the little green dot appear next to his name. I put my hand down and waited to see what he had to say, my legs bouncing up and down uncontrollably.  

Him: 

Hey! 

I'm good. 

How about you?

Me: 

I'm okay. 

Listen I heard something. 

And I need you to check it out for me. 

Alex: 

Sure thing. 

What is it?

My fingers were right over the keyboard, ready to type out the words but I couldn't. My hands started shaking and I could feel my breaths becoming uneven. Calm down Gabrielle, you can do this. He'll be okay. They won't hurt him. 

Alex: 

Gabs? 

You still there? 

Me: 

Yea sorry. 

Got distracted for a second. 

Alex: 

That's okay. 

Now, what did you want to tell me? 

Me: 

So this new school.

It's like a boarding school. 

Alex: 

Oh. 

Well, that must be lonely. 

I bet you miss your parents. 

Me: 

Yea. I do. 

Could you check on them? 

Just tell them I'm okay? 

Alex: 

I can. 

But can't you just call them or something? 

Me: 

I lost their number. 

Alex: 

You can look it up. 

Me: 

Can you just do it, please?

I could imagine his face scrunching up and his eyebrows knitting together while he tried to figure me out. "You're too confusing for me Gabs." he would say, and then mess up my hair while he put his other arm around me. Stop. Just do this and leave. I could feel something wet on my cheeks and dabbed at them, feeling water on my fingers. 

Alex: 

I don't understand why you can't just call them. 

But okay. 

I let out a sigh of relief and let my shoulders slump, tired from holding them upright for so long. Say goodbye and leave now. 

Me:

Hey, I gotta go. 

I'll talk to you later. 

Just let me know how they're doing okay? 

Alex: 

Okay. 

Bye. 

I swiped left and the screen darkened, my conversation disappearing and my fear going with it. Okay now leave. I got up and left the room, following the orders that I was giving myself so that I could keep moving forwards. 

I was about to leave the room when I heard loud footsteps from the hallway, sounding as if someone was running. I stopped what I was doing and started listening, dropping my hand from the door handle. 

"Warren! Warren!" someone yelled, the yells getting closer as the footsteps got louder. "She did something!" She? Do they mean me? And Warren! What's he doing here? 

"What did she do?" asked an icy voice, the voice that could only belong to Warren. I could feel myself subconsciously backing away from the door and forced my feet to stay put, trying to focus on the conversation taking place on the other side of the door. 

"She sent a message. I can't read what it says because of the new laws that Micah added last year, but one of them has a red flag on it. I think maybe she's asking her old boyfriend about her parents." Are they watching my messages?  

I could hear what sounded like rushed footsteps and a loud cracking noise as a body hit the wall right next to the door. I sounded like someone had smashed a person against the wall, which is what probably happened, knowing Warren. 

"Find her." Two simple words and I knew exactly what they meant. 

He was talking about me. I was going to get hurt. 

And Micah wasn't here to save me this time.