Sing with Me

Chapter 50

"Kurt I don't.. I think.. I can't even- I'm so-"

"Nick" Kurt laughed weakly, leaning on his wall, looking at him. "I'm not here to get an apology" he mumbled "I'm here for an explanation.."

Nicks face crumbled again, and Kurt saw properly how much older he looked, the redness of his eyes and the creases of his mouth as he tried not to cry.

His emotions aged him incredibly in fact. And no longer was he a twenty four year old boy, but a thirty eight year old man. His eyes drooped, sadness consuming and defining his features.. And it taught Kurt in that moment just how lucky he was to be happy at heart.

"I know you don't remember" he said quietly, tentatively. "And I'm not going to push you to describe anything other than what was going through your mind.. And why"

Nick nodded, sitting on his bed, back curved like a wincing wood louse. He pulled on his fingers, cringing inwardly at his current thoughts, Kurt could see them in his eyes, coiling like knotted tendrils in his body.

"I didn't cheat" Nick said quietly, swallowing, the words clearly painful to him.

Kurt didn't interrupt.
He feared a single misplaced word might crumble any chances of this conversation ever happening.

"Me and my girl broke up" he forced out, squeezing the words like a blocked toothpaste bottle. The mint inside bitter and old rather than refreshing and relieving.

Kurt swallowed.

"She didn't like the distance. And she didn't like.. That I'm bi, apparently"

Kurt frowned slightly, having not expected this to be related to any of anything. Him and his girlfriend had been together for months. Almost a year. So why was it only now that-?

"You never told her.." Kurt said quietly, biting his lip and watching Nick shake his head vigorously.

"No- I did. She knew. she just.. It didn't hit her until now. Until we're further apart. She's scared I'll.. Do something stupid."

Kurt looked down, not commenting at that.

"And I- I'm so sorry. I hate what I did. Sebastian hates me. And you.. You should hate me. I hate me."

Kurt frowned, looking down at the ground "don't say that" he said quietly, not wishing self hate upon anyone. Especially not someone who never had a bad intention.

When he looked up he found Nick staring at him with an unreadable expression. He cleared his throat, looking back at the ground and rubbing his hands together, uncomfortable.

"Sorry" Nick said again, swallowing. "I.. You're beautiful" Nick whispered, and Kurt flushed a deep Crimson - not only because of the compliment but.. Because Nick couldn't be saying that. He couldn't..

"Nick-"

"No. Let me speak." Nick swallowed, looking at the ground, his heart pounding so loudly it's all he could hear in the room at this point. "You are. I mean it. And I.. I was hurt. And you.. I've seen how hard you try with Bas, how kind and.. And how patient you are. And sometimes I feel like he- he doesn't appreciate you the way-"

"Nick."

Kurt said again, staring at him with a slightly horrified and stern expression.
"Sebastian makes me feel special, and loved, and he gives me exactly what I-"

"No! He doesn't. He doesn't give you- he's not surrendering himself for you. He's not giving everything for you. He's not telling you how incredible you are every day, or how loving, and generous, and beautiful you are.."