Laying in her bed she sobs uncontrollably,one hand clutching where her heart use to be. Curled up in a fetal position,she screams,wailing almost as if she was being tortured when the only thing that is torturing her is her own mind. "He left me" she muttered in between shuttered gasps "he... Left..me; all I did was love him" sobs consuming her body once again. The crying goes on for several hours until she falls into an exhausted sleep. Tears staining her cheeks and pillows; still in a fetal position her hand is still clutching where her heart use to be. Sleep doesn't do much to ease her grief stricken features. Only allows her mind to be at peace. Only allows the muscles to relax slightly giving off the look of a tortured soul.
The saying is "God only gives us what we can handle" however if you're not the religious type the saying holds no value to you;but to those who are slightly religious or still religious when shit hits the fan we fall back on what we know. We seek solace in the comfort of religion,family and friends even when the embrace of the devil is so much more appealing. However a persons soul shattering can cause them to end up turning away and drowning in the darkness for awhile.
Jerking awake blankets twisted around my legs from a restless sleep. I reach over and check my phone hoping to see a message from him but knowing it'll probably never show again. Only seeing the messages of friends
Garica:"Baby girl you were too good for him anyways. I'm here for you remember that.
Doug:" just give it time. I'm here if you need me,hmu when you wanna talk."
Throwing the phone back down I glance to the window to judge the time. Looking to be early morning,I fidget till I get comfortable,snuggling deep into my pillows squeezing my eyes shut and begging for sleep to take over. Blissful sleep. Begging for sleep to take over once again,to make me forget the pain and the happiness and the hurt. I feel the tears start to build up behind my eyes. Cramming my face into the pillow a baby sob slips out and then it's like a flood gate was let lose. It's been almost a month,funny how it's feel more like an eternity,and yet the pain is still as fresh as yesterday.
Shaking her head to dislodge the thoughts,she thought back to the sex that happened a week after the break up. It was exciting because she was on break from work and also it as with him. She still loved him a week wasn't gonna change that hell a year might not. The sex was needed they were both tense and had been for for weeks. It felt good to release the sexual energy built up but it lacked the intimacy she felt every time they had sex before. An when it was all over and she had to leave,it was simply that just sex. It made her feel like a common whore and he had never made her feel that way before.
Rolling over I texted Doug " talk to me I'm sad and I need a distraction" almost instant reply from Doug " you're lame". A ghost of s smile appeared on her lips. " awe you're such a sweetheart" I replied. I smile more Doug is a good friend,I never expected him to be; he is an annoying goofy ass kid from work who did nothing. Turns out he is wise beyond his young age and his easy going personality hits it well with just about anyone. If the age difference wasn't a problem,then falling in love with him would seem safe. But as a friend I couldn't ask for a better one.
Doug: "yeah right im a loser and we both know it" he jokes " but what's up you need to talk?". Sighing I close my eyes and beg the pain to subside " yeah,... I just don't want to feel anymore. I just want to forget,the memories the love,the everything. My love for him is literally gonna be the death of me" I reply back. Doug:" no you don't need to forget remember and learn from this you deserve better. I know you don't want it but it's the truth. Also give it time let yourself feel the pain and process it through".
