Waking up the next morning,I don't even wanna get out of bed. I just wanna sleep my life away. But that's no way to live a life. Realizing I had drifted into sleep somehow without applying to dougs message. I see that he had sent several more
Doug:"Well your better without him, you cane make more money, have more time for friends, you can go out and have fun, get a hobbie, and you can do so many things. Also feeling is a mush have in life, if you don't feel you won't be able to know if you did something wrong, feel accomplished, feel love, ect. You wouldn't learn from you mistake" " keep your chin held high you day will come" was the last message.
Rising from the bed,I'm instantly attacked by my puppy dog. A beagle/basset mix he crams his face into my neck and instantly cuddles with me. Laughing I hug,hold and kiss him on the head as he wiggles around and kisses my face. " hi baby" I coo at him " good morning pup pup,I know I'm up" Cooper is the only good thing I got out of the relationship that still makes me happy. Rising I stretch my arms high above my head and slip out of bed.
Grabbing my phone I tap a reply out back to Doug. "I know,I just hate that yellow car bitch", dougs responded was ill kill her almost instantly. Chuckling to myself I snag my yoga pants off the floor and put them and proceed to take Cooper out to the bathroom. I can't stand yellow cars anymore,anytime I see one I have a mass anxiety attack. The one he told me not to worry about drove a yellow car by yet he said he still loved me. I'll never understand,he had me so convinced that he was so in love with me and then shit hit the fan and it was over. Just like that,I tried the week after the break up to fix things only making it worse. He blocked me on fb and on his phone too. Atleast I think he did on his phone last reply I got was a week ago. Also he sister said she thought he has blocked me on it. It feels like he stabbed a knife straight through my heart. Brushing the tears aside I try to focus my mind elsewhere. Bringing Cooper in and feeding him,I prattle around the kitchen looking for something to eat.
I need to eat,I haven't ate right in the past several days because I haven't felt like eating,I've been upset. Settling on cereal I return to my thoughts i hate that I love him,I hate that my waking and sleeping thoughts are rotating around him. Yes,he did break my heart worse than anyone I have ever known because I thought he was the one. My one. I just don't see how someone can fake the love that he claimed to have for me,it was too much and too real. I felt the love he had for me,I don't think you can just get rid of love like that. But there's nothing I can do about it,he's not worried about me,probably doesn't care if I live or die. Pushing my cereal around in the bowl,I make myself to atleast eat that today,otherwise when I see Doug later he'll start forcing food down my throat when I saw I haven't ate today. I can't say I'm going through depression but I know that I am severely sad. I miss him,I love him but I need to accept that he'll never come back and I have to let him go. I deserve better anyways. Straightening up I go to get dressed for the day choosing life only because I hate sleeping during the day.
