Fading (Shizuo x Izaya)

2

It was already 2 p.m. The weather wasn't the best but at least it didn't rain. Unfortunately the air has become a lot more dull just by the lack of sun in the sky which of course strongly reflected of the citizens. Everyone only ambled through the streets not really knowing where they were going to, only some walked a bit quicker clearly trying to get out of that creepy mess.

Shizuo was no difference. He sat on the couch looking blankly at the grey wall in his small apartment. There was no light in his eyes, only an empty expression which he held since that day. The blond was certainly not the type of a person who would just sit and think about his life but... That's exactly what he was doing. The thought of something growing inside of him and slowly destroying his body didn't leave his mind even just for a second. And that was what terrified him the most.

"I don't wanna die..." Shizuo whispered quietly, his voice cracking as he spoke. There was no one around him yet he felt as if he wasn't alone. Well, in some way that was true, since he still had his friends, but what difference did it make if they didn't even know about his illness?

"Please I don't wanna die yet" Tears began to form in his eyes, blurring his vision more and more. He kept mumbling the same thing all over again, hiding his face in his hands and curling into a tight ball. This was a time the blond really needed someone, but he already made a decision. And it was to not tell anyone about his condition no matter how much they begged for the truth.

The room was filled only with quiet sobbing mixed with Shizuo's mumbled begging which he nonstop repeated. Soon enough, the first droplets of rain fell on the window banging on the glass and only adding to the already gloomy atmosphere which surrounded the man. Shizuo could feel the sadness taking over his body, paralysing every inch of it as if it was poisoning him from the inside. Clinching on his hair, the blond moved his head down squeezing his eyes shut. He felt anger building up inside of him. The sadness filling him quickly turned into a deep hatred. It wasn't a simple outbreak of anger that he often had though. It was rather a mixed feeling of regret and loathing toward himself. Something that he didn't usually feel.

'Don't be surprised. After all you did to people to have no right to live.' A voice echoed in his head reminding him of everything Shizuo did in the past. He couldn't even remember how many times a person was sent to the hospital in a critical condition because of his pathetic behaviour. There were probably some cases of death which he didn't even know about as well. So after all the damage he's done, why would he have the privilege to just walk around the streets of Ikebukuro?

The deafening silence was suddenly interrupted by a muffled ringing of the man's phone which, apparently, was in the next room. Sniffling, Shizuo got up reluctantly and made his way to his bedroom where the device was. After lifting it from the bedside table, he flicked the phone open and quickly glanced at the number before picking it up. "Yeah?"

"Hi, how you feeling today?" The voice was friendly and full of joy, completely the opposite of what Shizuo felt.

"I'm.. I'm great, just need a bit of rest's all."

''You sure you're okay?''

Clicking his tongue, Shizuo rolled his eyes at the person on the opposite side. ''Yes I'm sure. Tom, would you please stop worrying 'bout me so much and just tell me why you called.'' Trying to talk so casually while feeling like shit on the inside was centrally not the easiest, but if Shizuo really didn't want anyone to find out about how pathetic he was, there was no other way than to act like his normal self.

''Alright, alright! You see.. Today's quite a busy day and.. Y'know it'd be good if you helped.'' There was a pause between the two. Tom could almost feel the irritation of his friend so he quickly added ''I-I understand that you need some rest, after all you're working a lot harder than me so I'm not going to push you.''