Power Of the Pen Stories

7th Grade Districts: The Monster

The first time. Build a story around the memory of a new experience.

Mommy told me I had to learn.  She told me all of the other kids were going to learn this summer, so I should too.  But, I really didn't want to.

She bought me a big one.  It had four wheels.  One in the front, and three in the back.  The monster was huge.  I didn't understand why anyone would want to ride such a terrible beast.

Mommy sat me down in my car seat.  She put this weird hat on my head.

"It's called a helmet Annie, it's so you don't get an owie on your head."  Mommy told me.  That thought scared me.  If I had to protect my head, that means I could fall on my head.  I don't want an owie on my head.

She closed the car door, and I watched her put the beast in the back of the car.  I didn't want it to be in the back of the car.  What if it wanted to hurt me?  I don't want it to hurt me.

It took only a few short minutes to get to the park Mommy said we would go to.  It took even less time for Mommy to get me and the big monster out of the car.

"Annie, are you ready to learn to ride your new bike?" Mommy asked me.  I shook my head.  I didn't want the big monster to hurt me.

"Annie, you have to learn.  It might be scary at first, but it's a lot of fun! I'll make sure you don't get hurt, okay?"  I nodded.  I didn't believe her, but I wanted to make her happy.

I started slowly towards the monster.  Mommy patted this weird looking chair.  I sat down.  My feet barely touched the ground!  Mommy said that was okay, I would grow into this so-called "bike."

"Put your feet on the pedal," Mommy said as she placed my tiny feet on the rectangular pedals.  "and push forward to go forward.  Push backward on the pedal to stop. Okay Annie?" Mommy reassured me.  I really hope she is right about this, I also hope Mommy won't let me fall off the bike.

I push forward with my left foot, and the bike lurches forward about five inches.  My eyes grew wide, wider than the waffles I ate for breakfast in the morning.  Because I pushed the monster, it moved forward like I told it to.

"Good job Annie!  Do it again!  This time use both feet and keep going!"  Mommy told me.

I wasn't listening though, the monster was so much fun!  I started to push off with my right foot, then my left then my right again.  With each push, I moved farther and farther again.  I couldn't believe I was actually riding the monster.

There was a hill coming up, but I wasn't scared, the monster was now my friend, and he would save me.

"Annie!   Annie be careful on that hill.  Annie!"  Mommy shouted behind me.  I stopped right at the top of the hill.  I didn't want Mommy to be mad at me.

There was a lake at the bottom of the hill, I'm guessing that's why Mommy wanted me to stop.

"Annie, I think it's time to go home.  It's nap-time."  Mommy told me.  I hopped off the monster and walked back to the car with Mommy.

She buckled me in and took off my helmet, then went to put the monster in the back of the car.

"Did you have fun Annie?" Mommy asked.

"Yes, I want to ride my bike more please." I answered.

Mommy started to say something else, but I was too tired so I fell asleep in the car seat, dreaming about the monster. ~

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1 being highest, 6 being lowest.

93 Quality Points.

100-94= Superior    93-82= Honors    81-75= Merit

"This was acute idea, taking a perspective of a young child.  Your ideas were clear and organized.  Work on adding more insight into your characters and developing your descriptive imagery.  You are ready for that next step! :)"  -Judge Melissa Voss