There's so much that I've wanted to tell you for so long. I've held it in because I always had this hope that maybe one day things will work out. It's pretty obvious now that there's no way it could, and that there's no way you could ever possibly hate me more than you do.
You're going to do one of two things. You're either going to get mad, shut the book, turn off your screen, and think "why should I care about you anymore?" or you're going to read this.
Maybe you will understand then.
I really wish I could be like you. I wish that I could just forget everything we went through. I wish I didn't care about you, just like how you no longer care about me.
But I have to.
I have to listen to you say how much you hate everyone.
Even me.
I have to watch you crumble.
I have to sit in silence while you are tortured by your mind and I have to pretend like I don't notice.
I have to listen to them judge you.
I have to watch as you shove everyone so far away that there's no one to help you when you need it.
I have to come face to face with the fact that you have become who you once were.
And it sucks.
It sucks because you made me...me.
I can't help but get the same feeling that you're just like the rest.
Just like every other person in my life who stayed because I could fix things, but when the storm was over, I was no longer a necessity.
I'll never regret you though.
I wouldn't exchange the years of rocky friendships for minutes of perfection.
I owe you a lot.
Even though there's a lot of things I could be mad about, I've let them go.
I want to leave the past in the past and just move on.
One last thing before I go.
Thank you.
Thank you for believing in me when no one else did.
Thank you for always sticking by my side.
Thank you for making me feel like I had a purpose in this world.
I hope that I helped you even a fraction of as much as you helped me.
So this is it.
These are all the words I should have told you to begin with.
I hope you find your happiness again, the world needs you to.
-R
P.S. The notes are still there. Every last word.
