Anxious Poppies

Ghosts

Sometimes, I look back at everything, every moment of my life. My interactions with people. All the people I considered close, all the people I loved or loved me. They never lasted, no one ever does. They mattered so much, so intensely, and then suddenly, in a fleeting moment, they were ghosts. They haunt my memories from time to time. Reminding me of who I was, who I surrounded myself with and I wonder. How many of the people I love now will still be present in the future, and how many will become ghosts as well.

Sometimes I think about how I have become a ghost to others. How I once was a very important part of their lives but now we're only connected by a like or a comment on a Facebook post.
How, we used to call each other family, but here we are, as distant as strangers.

I wonder very often how our exchanges will be if we ever again cross paths. Will they remember me? If they do, will they make sure to remind me how thin I used to be, or how high I used to be, or even how "we don't talk any more."

That's my favorite.

There was a group of friends I ran with all the time. They were my friends. They helped me discover so much about myself, we called each other family, they were my world. They promised to be there for me, always.

But then I got pregnant and I was no longer family. Though they never said it, they effectively phased me out immediately. When I needed them, they abandoned me. They left and never returned. They pop up here and there, but never long and never without a lot of time passing between each meeting.

Ghosts.

They're ghosts now, as am I.
I wish it wasnt true but that's the way of the world and I guess that's okay.