Darkened Mind (Sequel to Broken Soul (Supernatural/Dean Winchester))

Darkness from Dawn to Dusk

"Get this," I hear Sam say to me from the table in the library. I get up off the couch and make my way towards him as he begins to start talking again. "A man was stabbed at a gas station in a town in Ohio."

"People get stabbed all the time," I say.

"But are most people stabbed by a blade of jaw?" Sam says rhetorically. He looks up at mw with raised eyebrows.

"You think it's him?" i say, hopeful.

"I think that it lays on the trail he has left through the country."

With a smile i say "well then what are we waiting for."

With that we're off. We hop inside and head towards the last lead we have of finding Dean.

As we drive i look out the window. The rain on the glass sparkles like liquid diamond as we pass under street lamps. I start to think of Dean, and what, or rather who, he has become. I think about the times we spent together; the nights we spent together. I think of the note on his bed. I think of how earlier on he was laying on that same bed dead and then he dissapeared. I think about how i wasn't there for him; how in his final moment of life was spent alone and it pains me. It pains me so much that I've start to spiral back into old habits; bad ones. I've even gains a few new ones, just as bad. Lack of sleep. Lack of food. Lack of life. Sam's not any better. He barely sleeps. He's up all hours of the day and night looking for a trace of Dean consuming nothing but beer and coffee. He doesn't know how bad things have gotten with me. Its probably because he's so caught up in finding Dean that he's too busy to notice, and i don't blame him. The long sleeved and baggy shirts hide the freshly made wounds on my arms and my protruding ribcage. I don't know how much longer i can take it; this sadness consuming me.

                 *****************

Several hours and dozens of towns later we finally arrive at a motel.

We get into our rooms and Sam instantly grabs a bed and goes to sleep as i could tell from the red eyes and bags that sleep deprivation was eating him. I on the other hand lay in another bed and stare at the clock on  the nightstand, watching the hours tick by.

Hours later i look over to Sam, who sleeps soundly on the bed next to mine. I get up and reach into my backpack and pull out something that makes my heart pound in my chest. I take it to the bathroom and lock the door. I look down in my hands at the small blade that stares back up at me. My heart starts to slow down as the moment gets closer. I pull up my sleeve to reveal the many gashes ive made over the last little while. I take the blade and press it down on my wrist. Then slide it across, creating deep cuts that reveal the muscle under my skin. I do this 3, 4, 5 more times. I begin to feel light headed as i place the blade down on the counter. I bend down and sit on the ground, unsure if the dizziness is from the bloodloss or the weightloss. I take the toilet paper and wrap it around my wrist. After the bleeding subsides, i take the toilet paper and flush it down the toilet. I clean up my wrist and the bathroom. I pick up my blade and walk out of the bathroom.

I look over to see a groggy Sam squinting at me. "Everything okay?"

"Just had to go to the washroom. Go back to bed. Everything's fine," i say as cooly as i can.

I walk back over to my backpack and place the blade back into it. I lay back down in bed and look back over to Sam, now back to sleep. I shut my eyes and try my best to catch some sleep. My thoughts racing through my mind.  Everything's just fine.