Did You Say Louis Tomlinson? (Can't Fight This Feeling Sequel)

Chapter 16

I love you.
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Marcel's POV

He starts sobbing. I crawl into bed next to him. He puts his head into my chest and just cries and cries and cries.

"I can feel myself slipping." He murmurs.

"Don't let me go." I say crying.

"I won't. I promise. I won't." He says squeezing me tighter.

"I love you so much." I say into the top of his hair.

"I love you too." He says kissing me long and lovingly. Then he hugs me. He pats the chair and I crawl back onto it sitting.

"Hold my hand." He says laying back on the pillow. I grab it and his grip is like iron.

"Are you scared?" I ask. He nods.

"It's going to be okay." I say. The lie comes easily. I have to lie. I can't tell him the truth. The truth that I'll be nothing when he leaves. He nods again but he knows I'm lying.

"I love you." I say again. He says it back. Then he just lays on his side and watches me while I hold his hand am stare into his eyes. If you stare long enough at a person you can see who they are written in their eyes.

"It was all worth it," I say, "loving you I mean. It was worth the pain. It was worth it."

"They say love is watching someone die." Louis says squeezing my hand. We exchange I love you's again.

"Marcel it's time. I love you. I love you, I love you so much." He says and I'm crying and nodding. I'm very much aware of the doctor watching us through the window.

"I love you more." I say crying. He just nods. And squeezes tighter. I focus on his grip and on his eyes.

You'd think that someone dying is a long drawn out beautiful thing. You'd think you'd watch the light in someone's eyes fade slowly. But I see the light cut out quickly and I feel his hand go limp in mine. The beeping of the heart monitor is piercingly loud in the now quiet room. The doctors come in slowly. Like they have all the time in the world, and maybe that's true. They begin covering Louis' body with a sheet. I'm memorizing his facial features. This is the last time I'll see his beautiful face.

"See you soon." I whisper through sobs as they cover his face. They wheel him away and I know, Louis is gone.

•••

It's been a week. I haven't really slept and I'm basically running on caffeine and cigarettes. It's horrible but I won't be here much longer anyways.

I start dressing like I used to full time now. I gave my life savings to a homeless man on a sidewalk corner. I've never seen someone happier. I made him promise to spend it well. He swore it on his wife's life. It made me sad even though what I was doing was so good.

Spencer is so worried about me. He found out that I had a past of cutting so he went around and took all blades and sharp things away. Funny thing is my scars have started to fade.

I went and visited my mom. I gave her back my grandfathers watch.

"Why?" she asked when I handed it back.

"I just won't be needing it anymore." I said plainly.

And in the second I swear she knew what I was planning. And I was kind of hoping she would say something. But she just took it from me and put it away. She was the last hope I had of being questioned. I knew that if she didn't say anything, nobody would. And when I was saying goodbye to her I hugged her for just a little too long.

I stopped caring about grades and classes. My grades have dropped to D's and F's but I don't care anymore.

I approached Alex at Starbucks.

"Hey." I said shoving my hands into my pockets. She never knew me and Louis were a thing but she knows me.

"Hi." She said pulling out a chair for me.

"How are you dealing?" I asked. She looked down sadly. She had only thought me and Louis were friends. The thought makes me laugh.

"Not great how about you?" she asked politely.

"I'm okay." I said. She gave me a weird look like I was crazy.

"You seem calm." She said testing her coffee.

"I am." I shrugged. She gave me another weird look.

"It'll be over soon." I said standing up. Again I thought maybe she would say something. Object. Ask me what I meant. I lingered a little longer and she said nothing. So I just walked away.

Now I'm driving to the bridge. I park and step outside into the cold night air. I take slow long steps to the edge. Climbing up onto the concrete barrier. Standing 4 centimeters from death. Then I remember someone I forgot to say goodbye to. I take out my phone and even though its almost 1, dial Janes number. And yet still, like the night owl she is, she picks up.

"Marcel?" her voice sounds disbelieving. Like she thought she was done with me long ago.

"I needed to call to say goodbye." I say. My voice doesn't break, waver, or fault. I'm calm. I'm at peace. I'm almost to Louis.

"Wait Marcel, what are you doing? What do you mean goodbye?" her voice has changed to alarmed.

"You helped me through so much, I really needed that. Thank you." I say ignoring her.

"No Marcel wait!" she's freaking out.

"You're lovely, Jane. But it's too late for me," I say calmly "Goodbye." Then I throw my phone off the bridge.

I take a deep breath and strip off my jacket. It's cold but I'm alright. Everything's alright now.

I start looking around. The road is empty. The sky is lit with stars beautifully.

"A good day to die." I whisper into the black void.

I look down at the water. It's black and looks frightening. But I'm not scared. Tobias told Tris to be brave, now it's my turn.

I take a few steps back and leap.

Falling. Falling. Almost like I'll sprout wings. Like I'll learn to fly. I see the water coming fast. I'm ready. I start listing off goodbyes.

And I think I hear Louis call my name as I hit the surface. But perhaps it was only the wind.


THE END

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... never forget