We All Start As Strangers

Again

There was a strong silence, an overwhelming silence. My tears continuing to run down my cheeks, my stitches began to burn like my wrists were on fire. My mind drifted off, I was now stuck thinking back to why. "Adeline? Adeline?" I heard Mr. Sheffield say breaking the silence. "Are you alright?" he asked me, I opened my teary eyes, "yes, yes, I am okay."

  "Look I know its hard to talk about but this will help. Sometimes its better to repeat an incident 100 times, and to talk about it again and again rather than dismissing it forever".

  As much as I hated saying it, as much as I hated the feeling it gave me I had to. "Losing my baby was hard, and it was my fault... I lost her, I didn't even know her. When she died, she was still inside of me!" I said nearly screaming,  my breathing became heavier the harder I cried. "Now Adeline, its not your fault, what about Jacob?"

   He said the name, his name, the name that brought me to this point, the name that made flashbacks flood over my mind. My heart pounded faster, I could feel myself shake.

    The abuse, the torment, the lies the cheating, the fighting. the hitting, screaming, never being good enough,  it all came back to me. The feeling of worthlessness, of emptiness, the fear every time I saw him. For two years, for two years I put up with Jacob. "I was naive and stupid, I let him hurt me, and now I lost my baby because of it, the night I lost her, I lost my mind. He beat me, that night it was awful!" I cried even more, this time I could barely breath. "I couldn't do anything when I was with him, its like I never had a mind of my own, what he wanted I did. whether it be something I wanted or not... I guess that's what growing up in an unstable house does to you. It makes you want to be loved my somebody,  anybody, just to feel like at least someone cares, even if you know that they really don't, but you'll push yourself to the edge to feel like they do" I laid my head in my hands and cried.