Emotions, Masks and People

Emotions

A/N: I was reading a summary of a book and I was... ecstatic when I finished reading the summary. I got an idea as to how to write this as I was a bit... dubious on how to convey the weight of this topic as emotions are a very heavy thing. But on to the story now!

Emotions were a fickle and frankly annoying thing. They always betrayed him and they also continuously clouded his logic, which, to him, was unacceptable. The one thing beyond all his masks (or are they him differently expressed? He doesn't know) is emotion. It brought his downfall with Obi- Stane and Rushman. 

He always had felt cold when he was disappointed or angry or even sad when he was supposed to be Tony Stark, who, to everyone, was a happy go lucky guy. He had never felt as disappointed in himself as he had when he actually felt a thing for his team (not romantically, of course). He wondered if this was what trust felt like, idly.  He wouldn't know.

When he started appreciating things, he was astonished. He had never noticed how bright the sun was or how it glinted against Thor's hair, or how the moon added a perfect background and tint to Natasha's red and black, or how Bruce's calm nature was so fitting in his daily life as opposed to his madness in the lab or his rage as the Hulk, or how Cap marveled in the heat, or how Clint seemed to fit in with birds and high places. It was truly astounding. (He knew that the team also noticed things about him but, surprisingly, didn't care.)

But nothing that good lasts that easy (or that long. This he would know). He knew this day would come, of course. But he had never imagined it would come with them seeing him tear a man into shreds, first with words, than with actions, and then stand soaked in the man's blood with the moon glinting against his unnaturally calm face, adding a sense of romance, some thing he did not have, to the whole picture. He was certain they'd hate him and waited for the judgement to appear as he realized with sickening fascination that he actually cared what they thought ('Interesting' a voice in the back of his head said).

Yet he stood and watched. He watched as Bruce accepted it as the truth and as the mixed emotions in his eyes turned calm. He watched as Clint debated with himself and decided to forget about complications. He watched as Natasha finally grasped an inkling of how dangerous he is. He watched as Thor finally lost his childish innocence towards people. He watched as Cap (always Cap, not Steve, because he didn't know Steve but still came to trust them) was horrified (petrified for his life) and turned away to try to forget completely.

He stood there, drenched in his victim's blood, smelling of blood, with its metallic taste on his lips, shining in the moonlight, as a ghost of a smile came to his lips. He wanted to outright laugh, his true, bitter, sadistic laugh, and throw his head back and let his curls sway in the cool night breeze but he made his mother, The Raven, proud (which he knew she would be, regardless) and only let the sliver of a smile out for a fraction of a second before it disappeared into his impassive face. 

He could not give lectures on emotions, could not let something see through him, control him. After all he was not just Ironman or Tony Stark, he was also so much more. But he used to have the emotions of a brick, as in nothing. He is scared to admit that he is actually petrified by this onslaught of emotions and he won't, but he knows that he is compromised and he is not okay with it, even if his emotions are trying to haze his logic again. After all it was emotions that caused the Avengers to break and for Steve (he gave up Captain America) to break what he knows used to power his heart and disable his suit and almost murder him.

Antonio/Ed (What his mother (Maria Stark) and Edwin Jarvis used to call him respectively, personally) is very proud to call himself a man of logic. He is happy to trust his instincts, to trust his calculations and his logic but he will never trust emotions. He wouldn't trust. After all trust is an emotion and emotions do nothing but betray him and cloud his logic and judgement, which, to him, is unacceptable.

_END_

A/N: I hope this is okay and conveys what I tried to tell. I am very glad to finally end a series and hope you enjoyed reading it. Please comment and review, THANK YOU!

It was a pleasure working on this,

thank you,

Sophia Elric