To move past the pain(rivamika)

Chapter 9

Sorry it took so long to update. I have been really busy moving and family stuff. Any way excuse typos and such.i will try to update sooner next time :)
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The narrow wooden hallway to the dining area is dark and dimly lit, providing the perfect cover for me to try to retrieve my senses, and calm the anger that has racked my body. I swear if it is the last thing I do, I will get Levi for this, and just when I had begun to think he wasn't all that bad. He has to go and do this to me. I can feel My body shaking. I need to get ahold of myself; I feel like a steaming pot of sexual tension right now. No matter how many deep breaths I take, I can't seem to get ahold of myself.

I reach the main room of the dining hall, a vast dark building with little Décor, packed with over 40 Wooden tables, all that seat six or more people at a time. In the middle of the room is a serving station, a wheeled metal cart that is brought in every meal time by a Middle Aged man from the kitchen staff, who happens to be most times than not dozed off in a chair nearby.  Not wanting to wake the man up I quietly grab glass bowl and scoops one spoonful on watery and bland oatmeal into it. Wanting to be hidden I decide to settle into a seat that is tucked away in the farthest corner of the building.

I stir my oatmeal with a spoon trying to work up the courage to eat this slop they are trying to pass as edible, and when I can't seem to force a spoonful in my mouth, I instead lay my head in my hands. I am tired already and they day has nearly begun. To make things worse I still have a full day of training to do on top of having to deal with these feelings I never have in my life felt before, it's frustrating that Being relatively new to this whole sex thing. I have no clue how to cope or deal with the needs Levi has awaken inside of me. I find myself most definitely wishing now more than anything that I had more experience in this department because if I did, I would be able to get him back for this in the same agonizing way. Maybe I should have gotten some experience with Jean before getting involved with someone like Captain Levi. Without a doubt, Levi had the upper hand when it came to many things. Rank, age, fighting, ability, and sexual experience. So how could I find a way to get back at him, I can't ask Sasha for advice or anyone else, and the only thing that seemed to be a sore spot for him is Eren. I had found that out last night very quickly by the way he reacted when I had mocked him asking him why I would pick him over Eren. It was a clear give away that, that was the only weakness I had to use against him but even now as mad as I am I know I could never do that to him, it would feel like a very low blow. Could I maybe just do the same to him bring him to the edge them leave him hanging? I shake my head. he would probably overpower me again, and for all, I know with the way things seem to be going in every one of our sexual encounters, I would probably like that. Something has to be wrong with me I can't think of any other reason I would like what he does to me. 

I sit quietly musing about how to get back at Levi when I catch a glimpse of my favorite brown hair boy, groggily making his way toward me. I drop my current thoughts of Levi and what I can and cannot do about him and Focus instead on acting as calm as I can before the person I love the most in this world gets to me. My heart is pounding in My chest, but I smile at Eren as if everything is fine.

"You're up early," Eren mumbles sleepily taking the seat next to me.

Erens clothes are slightly disheveled, and his brown hair still tousled from his sleep, his tired emerald green eyes are looking at the mushy heap of oatmeal piled into the green glass bowl with disgust

.

Affection for this boy wells up inside me but so does pain. I am so in love with the person next to me that it is overwhelming how much it hurts, knowing that I am letting this love go.