I thought I was alone (Fred Weasley love story) (Re-writing-slow updates)

Chapter One

That day lying on that bed all I wanted to do was cry. To feel something. But in the days that followed that I wished I could go back to that very day and cling to the nothingness… the numbness. Because that was the last time I remember my eyes being truly dry. Even now, as I sit on the Hogwarts train, awaiting my seventh and final year at Hogwarts to begin, I feel the all to familiar stinging in my eyes. Please not here. I beg. Not that there’s anyone to beg to. There isn’t even anyone to notice me crying in the first place. But I’m still pretty sick of crying. I have no friends you see. I never have had any. My parents and brother, they were the only people who ever really noticed me. Even my teachers… forget. The idea of spending another year as a nobody isn’t very welcoming. But I have no other choice. Because a nobody is what I am when I’m at Hogwarts. I always think this way when I’m on my way to school. But I guess the idea of spending this year alone is worse than the others. I guess it is because I spent my entire summer alone. I used to love being home alone. But now that I have no choice. I don’t like it so much. The entire summer was spent with me in my room. I would go food shopping and take the food straight to my room. That way I wouldn’t have to go into the kitchen. But it did restrict what I could eat. But I didn’t feel like eating that much anyway.

And even if I did cry right now it would be the best time. I’m the only one of the train. Well apart from the trolley-lady and the driver and there’s probably a teacher somewhere. But I’m the only student. All the others are either just arriving. Or spending these last few minutes with their families. And so they should. You never know when the next time you’ll see them is. Or even if there will be a next time. I don’t have a next time. And that’s why I arrived early. I knew I wouldn’t be able to cope with being around so many families. Mothers with tears in their eyes and talking about how their baby was all grown up. And their children complaining about how embarrassing their mothers are. It should be me out there. I should be hugging my mum and dad one last time. Then again. And again. Each time meant to be the last. Yet I just can’t seem to let them go. I arrived early so I wouldn’t have to be around all of this. Yet I can’t take my eyes away from the window. I can’t stop watching the families interact. I can’t stop watching the hugs and kisses. But every one I see is like a knife to the heart. The more I watch. The more it hurts. I watch the parents as their children get on the train. And it’s heartbreaking. My parents should be amongst the crowd. Not buried in the ground. My parents. They are the only reason I’m even going to school this year. I’m doing it because it’s what they would want me to do. That, and it’s a good distraction. But it’s mainly for my parents. I mean I have nothing at Hogwarts, Nothing. No friends, I don’t even think anyone even knows there is someone named Micayla Hayes there, not even the teachers. Well, all except Dumbledore.

First year the sorting hat placed me in Gryffindor, where I’m completely ignored, I went to Dumbledore and asked for my own room. He didn’t ask why, which leads me to think he already knew. He didn’t make a comment about how I just have to try a bit more. He just said, “There is one awaiting you.” And when I got back there was a new door. And none of the girls could even see it. My room is where I spend all my time when I’m not in class, at a quidditch match or in the great hall for a meal. I do all my homework there. I read in there, which is what I do in my spare time, either reading, singing or dancing in my room. Anyway Dumbledore is the only one who ever notices me. Sometimes he’ll even pop by my room to see if I’m all right. I don’t know why he does it. But sometimes it is nice to have someone ask how I am doing.

Looking away from the window, I look out to the corridor. Which is becoming more and more packed. Yet still my compartment remains empty. Just me. Having no one to talk to I just listen to my iPod. I try my best not to think about my parents and how they used to always come down to say goodbye to me, even my brother used to come as well. Just to say goodbye. Of course trying not to think about them. Just made me think about them. But I miss them so much. The last month had been the hardest and longest month I have ever endured. I had to spend my birthday by myself. The birthday that was meant to be the most special. The one that marked my being about to use magic outside of school. But I had no one to spend it with. I used magic to find any presents that my family might have gotten for me before they where murdered. I didn’t think I would find any. I was wrong. I got an iPod from my mum; the very one I am listening too. Some books that I’d been asking for, they were from my brother and a new broom from my dad. It was the worsted birthday I have ever had. And that is saying something.