I have a best friend, and good grades. That’s all I care about. My family could be better, but I guess they’re good. I am 13 years old and tomorrow is my birthday. I cannot care less.
Some people celebrate their birthdays in style if they can; big parties, fountain, humongous cake, disco, but I do not. For almost everyone, Alexandra Vanessa Phoenyx does not exist. No one knows my birthday is tomorrow, and I think I can go around without being the center of attention.
Sincerely, I am used to it. I do not care a freaking microsecond on what others think. Sure, it hurts when they say mean stuff, but if it is not from someone I care about or know, and then it doesn't hurt or damage me. I’m a tough girl, on the outside.
I know I have a low self-esteem, but I try my best not to show it. I have wanted to talk to someone, but I just do not trust anyone. Here are some of the things I hide from people, since you have cared enough to read this till now:
I have always felt bad about myself. I hide myself in my own self-pity. Ever since I went to the doctor, I have felt bad about myself. The doctor said that I am overweight, and I know I am.
I went to see the doctor since behind my neck and over my back I have my skin dark. It is a dirty brown, as if I do not bathe after I go play in the mud. It is disgusting and unattractive. It keeps me from wearing my hair to the side, or pigtails and I love pigtails. It makes me ugly.
I have the same problem in my ankles, and in my sides, where the rolls of fat go around. In addition, I have an excessively amount of dark skin in way too many places to let you know.
I have a skin problem basically, and that is not the whole disease.
I have had goose bumps in my arms, lower back, entire back, and even on my thighs since 5 years ago. It is like an allergy, but I do not have any. It’s also annoying when people ask me if I’m cold.
And to add to that, when I hurt myself, like a scratch or a small burn like the one I got in my face because of my stupid medicine for oily skin, it gets like the skin of an African (no offence made, just a comparison) on the face of a pale small girl. I am Latin by the way.
Also in my face I got a scar, I got it chasing a dog 4 years ago. I was skinny and very cute and popular. Yes, I ruined my old beautiful face because of a stupid DOG! I was so damn stupid. Now, it runs from my nose to my jaw, all through my chubby cheek, barely passing my lip.
Oh, and did I mention I have an acne problem, and uncontrollable hair and HUGE thighs and a gigantic butt?
Yep, I'm the classic nerd, but instead of being an ugly skinny girl, I'm overweight (not to hurt anyone’s feelings, I don’t wanna be mean but I’m my biggest critic). What can I say; my family keeps their traditions so we eat beans, eggs, and tortillas with every meal. It is a weird thing, and not at all healthy.
Well, you have heard from me, so now I will go back to what I was doing. As you can probably think, I was doing my homework, but I was also hearing music, a classic. I was listening to Taylor Swift’s “Never Grow Up”, and I started to cry. I do not know why, wait that is a lie. I do know why. I want to become 4 years old again. Every time someone asks me, things like; “How old you would like to be? Eighteen?” “Four, I don’t want to grow up,” is always my response.
When I was four, I did not go to school nor have beauty and social problems. I was the happiest girl in the world. I jumped, played and was called “fire eagle” because I was always flying around over the ground running leaving fire as the only sign I was ever there.
That was then, when my biggest calamity was when mom hid the cookies, and this is now.
