FINDING MYSELF

Chapter 1

I really didn't feel like people accepted me. I mean people are different in their own ways but some people don't want to accept human beings who are much prettier than them, much smarter than them. My parents well they have higher expectations when it comes around me.. They want me to be smarter in my subjects I get really sad, mad but not happy. I mean I can't be always perfect I'm human like other people.. They get hurt, they cry. I was always that type of girl who didn't like company even when it comes to my family and thanksgiving parties. I like my alone space but I get judged sometimes get in trouble because I do not socialise at all.

As days and birthdays past I just turned sixteen and my emotions came crumbling down.. My eating habits went to good to bad. My sadness became worst, I started starving also my cutting went worst than anyone can imagine. My parents never knew about the problems I have entered when I was twelve and how I started to be a teenager. The bullying, rumours, cyberbullying also my mental illness were stuck in one space and thats me. The fact that I had to keep my mental illness as a secret and not letting anybody know that little girl who seemed very happy and nice could survive depression by herself with no help whatsoever. I had to start my junior year next month and I knew that nobody will talk to me they would be like "Oh its that loner again" maybe their right. I always think people look at me like they hate me, like they think I'm a weirdo freak who wears disgusting clothes but my clothes is cool right? I look in my bathroom mirror and sighed and said "Stop talking to yourself, people already think were weird" it the same night, same days, same depressing life. I walked to my bedroom and laid in my bed my bedsheets covering my body and my scars that stood hidden in my clothes. I sighed and turned my radio on and put some Pierce The Veil music and fell to sleep. I had the best dream till my alarm clock woke me up, I sighed and stood up from my bed and walked to my closet and grabbed my singlet tshirt, leggings and my black old converse shoes.

I dont really care about people because some people can be mean sometimes. I walked to my bathroom and took a warm shower. As I finished my shower I wrapped my towel around my tanned body and walked to my mirror and sighed and in my mind it would ask the same annoying question "Do I look beautiful today? Or just ugly?" I would go to the second question cause I am ugly even my non so called friends would agree on that question. I have never been invited in parties since I was 12 back then I knew something bad might happen to me that nobody would love me as I am. I walked back to my bedroom and got dressed and when I was done I walked to my bedroom desk that had a large mirror and my makeup and sat down in my black bean bag chair and put on my makeup. My annoying sister Callie knocked on my door loudly and screamed "Get out of your fucking room Zoe, its breakfast" I hate it when people swear at me.. Mostly those people who didn't like me as a person. I walked out my room, my phone in my left hand and my backpack in my back. My family eats in this dining room that was near the living room I opened the door my blonde hair touching my shoulders my parents sat next to each other while my older brother Ricky sat with Callie in the side of the table and one space for me that was in the end of the table. I sat down and took a toast that stood in front of me and took a bite on it, my mother onthe other hand looked at me and started the same gesture every morning with "How is your grades Zoe Grace Rita?" Rita is a surname I did not like kinda. It reminds me of a biscuit. I swallowed my toast and looked at my so called beautiful mother and said " Kinda low, got Cs in every subject. I'll do my best to get it higher-" she cut me and said "NO! How can you fucking get Cs?!" Gosh I hate this. I stood up from my seat and said " I am leaving" I walked to the door and slammed it close and run outside the house where my best guy friend Eric stood. He was those boys who are emo he understood my life.