Swan Song

Smoke

"They're going to kill you one day, those cigarettes. You should really stop." Camila huffed, her voice sounding strained and tired.

She took a seat beside her girlfriend, Lauren, in the adjacent lawn chair outside in their backyard. It was a stretch to say it was 'their' backyard, in reality they shared it with five other roommates, something Lauren had failed to mention when Camila moved across the state for her. It was nearing three in the morning and Camila had just gotten back from her job as a bartender for a successful nightclub.

"At least I'll be able to say I had control over what killed me." Lauren shrugged, bringing the stick of tobacco to her lips once more. Camila's head only turned to face her girlfriend once she was sure she wasn't looking back at her.

"Why are you up so late?" Camila asked. It wasn't unusual for her to find Lauren awake at ungodly hours, but that didn't ease her curiosity.

"Why are you back so late?" Lauren challenged, shifting slightly in her chair. Anyone who didn't know the couple would've probably laughed at the maliciousness in her tone. Camila stood small and petite, barely hitting 5'3. Camila was harmless. 'Opposites attract' is a very cliché term but it was right in their case; at least it used to be.

"I work at a club, what time do you expect me to get home?" Camila countered, her brows furrowing. Banter between the two wasn't unusual, it was actually very routine.

"I don't know," Lauren answered, flatly. It's not like she cared, anyways. Camila sunk back in her seat. If biting your tongue was a skill, it would be at the top of her resume. "Why are you always working?"

"Why don't you ever answer any of my questions?"

"I'm up because I needed a good smoke," Lauren answered.

"Typical." Camila mumbled, she was sure Lauren heard, though. "People with real jobs usually work every day, I'm just doing my job."

"You call being a bartender a real job?" Lauren scoffed, her head shooting towards her girlfriend, awaiting an answer.

"I have a schedule, I get paid, I don't know what's not real about it."

"So you're saying that if we didn't have five other people paying the rent for this place, we'd still be getting by?" Lauren almost laughed at her own words. Sure, it wasn't a mansion, but the bungalow they lived in was well out of their price range.

"I didn't say that." Camila's jaw clenched. She wasn't sure if it was exhaustion from work or from the relationship but it was getting to her. "We would," She stopped herself. "I would be able to afford some sort of housing." She picked at the fabric of her jeans, waiting for Lauren to say something, to provoke her, but when she didn't, Camila spoke up again. "I doubt I would want to live here anyways. You know, if I had a choice."

"What's wrong with this place?" Lauren questioned sarcastically, getting up from her seat and twirling around dramatically. She threw the cigarette on the ground and Camila watched as it fell, she sucked in a sharp breath when Lauren's foot collided with the cigarette and the ground.

"We sleep on a mattress on the floor, the grass is brown, the kitchen is always a mess, and there's not even room for half my stuff." Camila  pointed out.

"Then let's go buy a bed frame!" Lauren suggested, comically.

"You're so full of it." Camila shook her head.

"You make it sound like you're stuck here. You make it sound like you need to work all the time. You make it sound like you're freaking miserable!" Lauren took a breath and sat back on her chair. This time, her body was turned towards Camila. "Let's go back, let's rewind our lives. We could stop working," She began, her voice hopeful.

"You don't have a job." Camila interrupted.

"Fine, you could stop working. We could just go on adventures like we used to. We could be free, live our lives, do whatever we wanted to!" Lauren thought back to their first year of seeing each other. They were both fresh out of college, their ambitions bigger than any of the emotional baggage they carried.

"I don't have a choice, you'd be homeless if I wasn't buying food and paying our rent." Camila looked back down at her lap.

"No, I have some money. Plus, I have friends everywhere, they'd help me out. That's how we could stop all this, how we could stop fighting all the time." Lauren's lips curled down as she saw Camila wasn't giving her the reaction she wanted. Her body was tense and stiff. "I guess not."

"Be realistic." Camila practically begged.

"Alright." Lauren whispered under her breath. She turned her body to face the back of the house and reached in her pocket for the pack of cigarettes she had bought earlier. She pulled one out and placed it between her lips before bringing the lighter up along with her other hand.

"Enough with the smoking!" Camila exclaimed, a little louder than she intended, making Lauren jump slightly. "Jesus Christ, you want me to get lung cancer, too?"

Lauren didn't answer, she just shot her girlfriend a threatening glare. Camila swallowed hard, she didn't like the familiarity of Lauren's moods changing so often and so drastically.

"I know you know it's bad for you, but why do it anyways?"

"It takes the edge off, I guess." Lauren tugged on the sleeves of her sweater.

"That's funny." Camila let out a slight chuckle.

"How's that funny?" Lauren's eyebrows furrowed in genuine confusion.

"This relationship is completely toxic and I know it. I know full well how messed up this whole thing is." She threw her hands up. "Yet I'm here because some part of me likes it. I like having someone, I like the thought of being with someone. I love you, and I hope you love me too, but that's not getting across right now, is it?"

Lauren didn't answer, she just gripped the cigarette tighter.

"What's funny is that while you're over there killing yourself with that cigarette between your lips, I'm over here doing the same thing every time your lips are between my own." She paused. "You're so fucking toxic."

AN:
Wrote this last year, hopefully it holds you guys over for a while. Sorry it's taken me so long.

-Becca