I can still hear the screams. They will follow me everywhere I go. It doesn't matter that I'm 19. I've been through too much. I know I can't trust anyone. They will always betray me. It's me against the world. Solitude is the one path for me.
I remember when I didn't believe that. What a fool I was. A year ago in my hometown of Kingston I was still a child. I didn't know the real world. I didn't know that people are actually cruel and awful. I actually believed that everything would go well... that is until my whole world came crashing down. The 'love of my life', my girlfriend for 7 full years cheated on me with my step-father. Strange right? How does that even happen? Easy because life is fucked up.
Now even then, I thought that things would get better. I never would've get even worse. But somehow the world really loved fucking with me. My mom, the woman I looked up to ever since she dropped my deadbeat dad and took me and found a new, better life, she committed suicide. I know I should blame that asshole stepfather I had, but really I'm mad at her. How? How could she leave her only son. She knew how fucked up the world was, she knew that and get she left me here. Alone... Betrayed... Hurting.
All the people in my life, they'd do things that hurt me, but I accepted it blindly. They'd take stuff from me, use me, not give a flying fuck about my opinion on anything, but I wouldn't see it or I wouldn't care. I was such a fucking pushover. After mom died, I realized it. I hope she can see me. I hope she feels awful. I hope that she realizes that she fucked up everything. My life, my head.., me.
If only she could see me now, walking alone on a never ending road of solitude. It'd make me happy. Maybe if I knew what's become of her in death, I would be able to cry again, able to feel an emotion other than paralyzing anger. Everyone knows that could never happen though.
The world won't help you. You have to fend for yourself. If you depend on others then you'll end up fucked. Just a bit of advice.
