Suicide Feeling?

How i start having these types of suicidal thoughts...

So my name is farah...I've been through hard times including my depression😣I've mixed with some of my friends who went through depression to...We kindda 'sort of' share...😬So basically lots of people hated on me since i joined a competition called 2 mins of fame thing...So i was selected for the final...And i won in the 2nd place at least...So they hated me  for no reason...From tht day onwards,i was so upset and im tired of persuading people or even comforting them...When i share things with them,all they say was im an attention seeker...And from then,it came this type of thoughts,example,'am i worth of living?Why do people won't understand me?Should i just end here?Cut myself?Stab myself,jump down from the 17th floor?When i have this thoughts in my mind,its not a joke...In any second i might do it so don't feel sorry if i do it...No one understands me...I wished i wasn't here in the first place:')Right?No one cares am i right?I've attempted to cut myself and i was caught and my parents knew abt it i wasn't that happy in the first place and all i wanted was to kill myself...i don't want ANYONE to know wht im feeling...Cause all of them wouldn't expect i'll be like this...I smiled every day and they believed im fine:)