Skin

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

--------------

It's 2:47

And I'm awake. Sitting in my hot room shaking. The chattering of my teeth fill the once quiet room. I awaken from a dream. No not a bad one, a good one. The good things scare me, and the bad things not so much. And it's sad, because the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.

But-

I was living, In my dream of course. I was alive and I was happy. It's something that I've wanted so bad and it just makes me so fucking depressed that the only time I'll ever get close to that is in a dream.

The silence makes everything harder. The dream keeps replaying in my head and there's no way to get it out.

It was my last happy christmas four years ago. I can remember waking up from my bed that morning and walking to the mirror and just smiling.

Smiling

I haven't done that since that day. Never do I ever smile at a mirror. It's always a place to just stare, deep into my almost lifeless body and just try to understand who I am again. Because after 16 years I still don't know.

Then after getting out of my room I go wake up my parents from down the hall. I jump on their bed and laugh obnoxiously.

Seeing my parents faces in the dream broke me down. Seeing them just hurts me so much.

But as the happy family we were four years ago we hurriedly got straight to the unwrapping of the presents under our fully decorated tree thats brighter then my soul itself.

That's where the dream ends. That's the 30 seconds that kept replaying in my head, that taunts me. That reminds me of how dead I really am.

--------------

I stay awake after that. There's no way I can fall asleep. I turn on my light and walk over to my floor mirror. I feel silent tears fill my eyes as I stare at my reflection. Everything about myself I hate. Even the things people at school seem to love like my long blonde hair, my rosy cheeks, my warm toned skin, my long thick eyelashes, and my green eyes. I despise everything.

I walk over to my slippers. Yes my slippers. I tip them over and out plops three tiny blades. I take the first one I see and walk back to the mirror and sit down. Anticipation rushes throughout myself. I pull my shirt up and Slowly I feel the blade puncture my skin releasing all the endorphins that make me feel this way. I slide it across my skin feeling the cold chills through my body. I watch as the crimson liquid spills out. I inflict more "wounds" on my stomach and eerily smile because of the satisfaction it brings.

Staring at the mirror in front of me along with the blood on my stomach I stand up and dip my fingers into the crimson mess. I walk closer to my mirror and draw a smiley face with the blood of my "wounds". I position myself so that the smiley face takes place of my actual damaged, tired face. I just stare, wishing that the "smile" could be real.

It only takes a few seconds for my lips to start shaking and for the tears to build up. The tears fall fast and I fall down to the ground and crouch. I try to suck it in and not make any noise but it hurts too much. I continuously lose my breath and try to find spaces between my cries to get some air.

Everything is a mess. I just wonder what it's like to love your life.

After a few minutes of calming down I walk over to the bathroom to clean myself up along with the mirror. Then I walk into the kitchen and open my aunts drawer. I grab the car keys and walk out the door not leaving a note. I'm just in a sweatshirt and yoga pants with no makeup on.

I decide to drive a few cities away to my old hometown. I stop at mcdonalds to get a frappe that will help keep me awake then just continue driving. After a few hours I realize how close I am to the house and eventually just drive straight past it. I really shouldn't stop there and just look, so I instead just drive to my childhood park.

Once there I park the car on the side of road and get out. I walk up the gravel path to the play set that I spent most of my days. I walk over to the slide where, with my first love, we carved our initials in with a fork leftover from lunch. I actually smile then lay down on the slide to stare at the stars.

Feeling my exhaustion slowly take over I get up and walk back to the car and slowly drive away, the midnight stars lighting up the lonely streets.

----------

I make it home about an hour later just around the time that my aunt would be waking up. While walking to my room she comes out.

"Where the hell were you?" She sternly asks then slaps my hand to let me know she wants the keys. I look down and drop them in her hands then slowly walk away until I feel a slap on my cheek. "I wasn't done talking. Get yourself to look somewhat fucking presentable for once please then come downstairs." I nod then stay there for a few seconds until she raises her voice again. "I'm fucking done talking so move. You only have a few minutes."

Sighing I run upstairs to get some clothes on. I find a baby pink sweater, some white jeggings, and some silver sparkly uggs and a sparkly scarf. I spray some dry shampoo in my hair then walk downstairs to find my aunt laughing. "What?" I ask. "Put some makeup on you fool." I obey and run upstairs look for my mascara, concealer, and powder. Once I find it I quickly put it on then follow my aunt to the car.

"Where are we going?" I ask. "The mall. But you aren't getting anything." "I never thought I was. I'm used to just owning clothes from when I was twelve." I bark back.

"Good and that's all you will be used to for a while. Don't follow me around or anything. Just walk around or do something. Hopefully you brought your money."

"Why would you bring me if I wasn't able to even be by you? And don't worry I did because I totally have money," I declare pissed off.

"Because my husband asked if I would take you somewhere so that he could feel comfortable in his own home. That's right Bella. You made him so uncomfortable he cant even sleep at night. Nice going." She laughs but I don't find any of it funny. I just choke up and stay silent the whole car ride.

--------------

Once at the mall we go our seperate ways and I pull out the quarters I stole from the glovebox in the car. I roam the mall looking for those massage chairs, hoping they are less than the 75 cents I have.

Eventually I find them and sit down. When I open my eyes I see a blonde boy staring at me from a distance. Uncomfortable I quickly look down and attempt to put two quarters in the slots. I shut my eyes still feeling the glare coming from the mysterious blonde boy. I quickly open my eyes when I hear happy giggles fill my ears. I open my eyes to find two kids around the age of probably 3 picking up my quarters that must've fell. Once they see me they run away and I just smile watching how happy they are to put the quarters in the candy machines. I reach in my pocket and remember I only have one quarter left. Sighing I put the quarter back in my pocket and shut my eyes, enjoying being somewhere out of what is my so called home..

I hear footsteps coming toward and me and eventually pick up the scent of some cologne about as strong as midnight sex. I open my eyes and see the mysterious blonde boy kneeling beside me with a quarter in his hand and a cute little smirk on his perfectly structured face.

-----------------------------

So - hope you all liked this chapter! Please add to your library and vote!:) I'd also love to see any comments of how you guys like "Skin" so far. I will update when I get more reads so pleaseeee tell people you may know about this fanfic etc. I try my hardest to make my writing enjoyable :) well look forward to chapter 3 sometime soon I just would like some more reads before I do that..;) thanks though!! Hope you like!!

- haylee