Under the light

Life Before Death

Growing up wasn't always easy. I grew up in a town where it was okay to antagonize someone because they were different than you. I suffered everyday from bloody noses and dark bruises. The worst thing I ever suffered from was a broken heart. That was worse then a bloody nose or even a broken bone. The only thing I looked forward to was seeing my caring and loving family. They were the only reason I was alive, and they still are.
       My family is the reason I want to wake up from this world of darkness and torture. The world I am in now is worse than the one I used to live in, because I feel dead but I know I am still alive. I can't do anything in this world and I just want my mom and dad to know I am okay. I sometimes hear my mother telling my father that everything is going to be okay even if I don't make it.
       That brings me back to when I was younger. My sister had fallen off the roof and passed away. My mother would tell me and my father everyday that it was all going to be alright. I never really understood what was going on, but now I am living it. When that happened I wouldn't speak, but then I met Eric, who I loved very much. He would comfort me and ask if everything was fine. He also had a little sister that I would always laugh and play with. Eric was one of the nicest people I had ever met and I couldn't imagine a life without him.
       Now that he is gone, my life feels broken and empty, but then I remember that my mother and father are at the edge of my bed, praying that I will wake up. That thought always keeps me going in this dark, lonely place. Before all this madness happened I never really understood how painful life could be. I never had to worry about loosing someone, because I was too focused on the bruises on my scrawny arms.
      Mental pain is a lot worse than physical pain, because bruises heal. When you have been torn up mentally there is no way to recover. Your life begins to unravel and turn to dust. Your brain shuts off everything that makes you happy, and finally, you're completely in a world where nothing is seen or known. Everything around you is black, and not even the slightest bit of light can be found.
       When I was younger, I would go to therapy everyday. I remember everything that happened in that awful place. I never liked to talk about my problems to anyone, especially someone I didn't even know. I would sit there cradling my head in my hands, and singing my favorite song. I would tune out all sounds of talking and I never heard anyone try to tell me to listen. I think people knew I wouldn't get better, so they gave up on all hope and left me to disappear from all reality.
Even though all of that happened I still believe this dark, petrifying world is much worse. When I was little,I got pushed around a lot, but at least I had people who loved and cared about me. Now, being stuck in my own body, I can't even think about my friends. My life is different, and I don't think I am ever going to get it back. Even if I wake up from this coma, I will never be the same. I will forever be stuck between, knowing I am alive and wanting to die. 
      I am becoming a totally different person. My dreams are slowly turning into reality, and anything that is real feels like a dream. I don't know if I can comprehend anything that is going on without my mind slowly ripping away at my body. My head is always pounding, and every once in a while I hear faint crying sounds. I think it is my parents, but I am never able to figure it out. Other times I hear my friends coming and going, saying hello, and wishing I will wake up. Every time I hear their voice, I get a great big smile.
      Sam and Maya are my two best friends. I hear my parents asking them why they are still here, and why they come to see me everyday. Sam's soft voice answers "I want her to know I care about her, and I never want to let go of her." I feel a tear run down my cheek as Maya answers "I love her, she has always been there for me, and now I am going to do the same for her." Those words worm my heart, and I start to remember the great times we have had together.
I have been friends with Maya and Sam for as long as I can remember. Sam has beautiful blue eyes, and a smile that will light up the whole world. Maya's personality is incredible. She is the kindest person I have ever met. They have both been there for me whenever I needed them. They help me realize the world isn't always bad.
My life wouldn't be the same if they weren't in it. I feel Maya grasp my hand, and put it up to her lips. She slowly sets it down, and Sam walks up to me. Her soft hands brush through my hair, and I feel one of her tears fall on to my cheek. My heart feels a rush of joy, but my mind is completely dead. I wish everything would go away, and I would never have to deal with anything ever again.