Looking Back and Moving Forward

Part 0

"Ma'am, I can't help you of you won't let me." The fat bald policeman tells me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I flinch at his touch and he pulls back immediately."I want to go home now." I say, barley being able to get the words to come out of my mouth.  I can't look at him. I can't look at anyone anymore. How can I? How can I face my coworkers, my boss, how can I stand to look at him? How will they look at me know? I'm dirty. Who would want to look at me? 

"Even if you don't want to pursue this now you should get a kit done in case you change your mind. These cases don't often go to court without that type of evidence, you'll miss your chance." He presses

I swallow, my throat is dry, my lips cracked. "I want to go home, please." I manage to say. 

I could hear him sigh, "Alright, we will have a doctor look you over at least then take you home okay?"   

"No, please, just take me home. I need to shower." That's all I  can think about right now, how dirty I am, how I need to clean myself of this filth I'm feeling all over. 

I hear him pull out his phone. "Yes, Kate? This is Ben from the San Fransico police department #3. We don't have female staff on hand and we have a situation with a woman that I think needs to be handled very carefully and was hoping I could borrow you from your station to drive this woman home." He took a big breath and let out a long sigh, "Yes, another rape case. Thank you, Kate, I owe you. See you in a few." I heard him clap his flip phone shut and I look up at him. "Hey, I know this a scary situation, and I can't help you unless you let me. I'm having a good friend of mine from the other station take you home. Okay?" I nod. "Here's my card, if something ever goes wrong someone gives you a hard time please don't hesitate to call the authorities. Can you do that for me?" His smile was so broken. Seeing the pity in his eyes staring at me makes me sick. 

I never answered him, I just stared. What would I say? 

I left with the lady cop that night, went home, and showed for hours. Screaming, crying, wondering why this happened to me. Was I not a good person? Was I being punished by God? What went wrong, where did I go wrong?