My Bonny Demoiselle

Perfectly Imperfect

"Clarisse! Ano ba? Open the door!"

Wala akong pakialam sa iniisip o sinasabi nila. What's on my mind right now eh feeling ko, parang sinampal ako ng 50 times sa pula ng pisngi ko ngayon. Bakit ko ba kasi yun ginawa?

"Clarisse?" I heard his voice. Damn it, mas lalong ayaw kong lumabas ng banyo.

"Let's talk okay? Come'on." Narinig kong sabi niya ulit.

"Gosh, why is this happening to me?" Sinasabunutan ko na yung sarili ko.

FLASHBACK

"Ayaw mong tayo na lang?" Katahimikan, mabilis na kabog ng dibdib ko. I can't hear anything but my heart crazily beating inside me chest.

"Oo, tayo. Tayo na lang!!!" I shouted and hugged him, sabay taas ng kamay.

"What?!?"I heard everyone said, so I immediately ran away, kaso lang dead end pala.. CR yung napuntahan ko.

---

"Hey Clarisse?" I heard him say. "Come'on, open the door. Let's talk."

I don't know what to do, this effete feeling. I'm shaking.

"No, go away please." I shouted back.

"Ano ka ba naman, it's just a dare. Bakit ka naman nagkakaganyan. You won okay? I won't bother you anymore."

I frowned, before I can even reply to what he said, I heard them talking.

"What dare?" Kath asked.

"Well, I was asking her if I could court her. She said no, and I threatened to bother her everyday sa school kaya I asked her to do that for me to you know.. for her to get rid of me." He answered. His tone's a little bit confusing but I can't believe he's good in making stories.

"Eh bakit naman siya nagkakaganyan?" Naddie asked.

"Baka feeling niya nakakahiya?" Kath replied.

"Don't be immature Clarisse, we have to finish something, okay? Come'on out." Naddie shouted.

He just saved me from embarrassment, still hindi ko naman alam kung paano ako haharap sa kanya, since we both know the truth.

I can hear giggles from a distance so I assume wala na sila sa labas ng pintuan. I fixed myself before going out.

"You owe me one." Halos mapatalon ako sa gulat when I saw him.

"Thanks for that." I looked down, I can't even look at him.

Feeling ko magiging rebulto na ako in a few seconds when he handed me his phone.

"What now?"

"Number mo. Wala nang free sa panahon ngayon, maniningil ako kapag ako naman ang may kailangan." He smirked.

I snatched his phone and dialed my number.

"Just make sure na quits lang yung favor mo." then I walked out from the scene.

---
"Ate, can I talk to you for a minute?"
Nakauwi na ako, halos 9PM na. My heart was racing when I figured out that Dad has 17 missed calls on my phone.

Luckily, they're all in their rooms na when I reached home. Maliban kay Ate Harrie.

"About what?" She asked. Hindi s'ya lumingon sa akin. She kept her head down on her laptop and cointinued reading kung ano man ang nandoon.

"Uhm, nothing." I sat in front of her. "What are you doing?" Tuloy ko.

"Studying, obviously." She replied as she heaved a sigh.

Hearing that, tumayo ako at naglakad paakyat sa kwarto ko; mukhang busy s'ya. Gusto ko lang naman sanang mag-open at magtanong kung papaano ko ba i-hahandle yung situation na ganun, and if I looked stupid in front of everyone kanina. She studied Psych, she should understand.

"Ate.." I turned around and it was Niq, my second youngest sibling.

"Bakit ka malungkot?" She asked. Niq is a quiet being, hindi makabasag pinggan but when she feel comfortable sa kausap n'ya, daig pa si Kris Aquino sa mga chismis.

"Pagod lang ako. Ang dami ko ginawa for the day. " Sagot ko. "May chips ako dito, nood tayo?"

She immediately agreed and went with me sa kwarto ko. Sometimes when I feel down, I would ask her watch a movie with me so I can let all my tears out. Dahil nga hindi ako makapag-open kahit kanino on how I feel, I would prefer to watch a sad movie and cry my heart out. It ease the pain, peei syemopre niloko ko lang yung sarili ko.

"Anong problema mo? Di ka naman magyayaya manood kung di ka malungkot." She asked while turning the laptop on.

"Wala nga. Gusto ko lang maiyak para makatulog ako agad." I replied.

"Okay, sabi mo eh.  Anong movie?" She said, mukhang hindi convinced but of course; wala naman s'yang magagawa kundi tanggapin na lang yung dahilan ko.

"Basta piliin mo yung sobrang nakakaiyak." Hindi ko na namalayan na tumutulo na pala yung luha ko.

"Ate, wala pang movie umiiyak ka na.  Advance ka ba mag-isip?" Asar n'ya.

And I didn't evern notice na lumalabo na yung paningin ko sa mga luha ko. Kapag umiiyaka ko, minsan nakakatulugan ko na lang; minsan naman talagang I make sure na nafe-feel ko yung sakit kasi I read a book before na it's good for your mental health. Pero minsan, gusto kong pigilan na lang kaya lang alam ko mahina ako, baka hindi ko kayang i-contain yung sadness ko at mawalan ako ng katinuan.

"Ate, in life maraming ups and downs."
Tumingin ako kay Niq when she started talking.
She's 3 years younger than me pero medyo weird s'ya kasi sobrang tahimik. Sa sobrang secretive n'ya, hindi namin alam kung ano talagang paborito n'yang pagkain.

"And yes, there will be times that you need to cry to let it all out. Pero Ate, crying is only good for your soul but it will not help you be stronger. Explore the world and make mistakes, at the end pf the day umiyak ka man, at least you know na naging mas tough ka and you learned something." She continued.

1 message received from Gerald
"Clarisse, maniningil na ako."
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