I sit in my room feeling a belt pulling at my soft neck, the flesh now slightly red, I feel like I've been up here for hours. If mom walked in what would she do? Maybe she would yell like she always does, god I hate when she yells. I feel my foot slip a bit off of the roller chair that usually sat at the computer. I quickly fix my foot, and stand letting the belt now tugging harder. Why am I even up here, do I even want to die? Who knows, more importantly who cares, the only person that really cared was my younger brother Nova, but he's not here anymore.
I'm the one who shouldn't be here, I drove him from daycare, I wasn't watching when the light turned, it should be me. Not him.
The chair wiggles under me creakily, I feel like a cartoon charector, the same thing happening over and over with louder noises, The chair gets quiet again. I remember the day mom and dad split, the same night mom had one of her fiesta's and then had a man over. I think it was James Turner, a kid in my bio class, hes only 19 -what a whore she is- I remember hearing her screams, I remember how big she got, I remember him beating the shit out of me in class because I called him a lousy fuck boy who never knew his father, although I guess I never did either.
Even though Nova was the child of my personal bully, he still ment the world to me. Even as a baby Nova liked me, he always smiled when he saw me, he had barely let mom hold him it always had to be me. I loved that kid more then the world. He was so cuddly, he had this teddy bear that he always slept with -well on I guess- I always kept it in his room, mom never wanted him to keep it she said it reminds her of my father.
Why I'm telling all of this I don't know, I step on foot on the back of the chair and push hard, as the chair slips out and my vision fades I realize, is this what I want? Do I want to die? It's to late now, before my eyes close I see the door open and my mother walk in holding the bear.
