Against All Odds

Chapter 8

I can't lie but seeing Nicky and Josh together does get on my nerves. It makes my blood boil. I'm more pissed off at Josh than Nicky. Is he doing this torture on purpose? Is this his way of slapping me on my face? By getting a good catch like, Nicky?

What really gets me wrapped up is his way of treating Nicky. He's treating her -nuzzle on the neck- as how he used to treat me! The nuzzle on the neck is, well, was our signature thing. He used to do that to me whenever he felt like doing it and it was nice. 

And seeing him do that to Nicky, just makes me furious, to say the least. 

I've surpassed the crying episode in my journey toward moving on. I no longer cry as hard or as much as I used to but I still do, thanks to the negative thoughts that make me second guess myself whether I'm worthy or if I really truly deserve to be happy.

Sometimes, when those thoughts arise, I simply have to cry it all out or cry myself to sleep. 

And seriously, it's really pathetic.

And these nights are one of them.

I can't sleep.

My eyes just can't stay close although I keep on yawning, a sign that my body is craving for some rest. I shift around on my bed, to find the right position. I shift to my side, then I shift back to my original position, back against the bed, head facing the ceiling.

I let out a low exasperated sigh.

I kick off the duvet and stare at the ceiling, getting frustrated that I couldn't sleep. Why? Ugh, I gotta stop thinking! I close my eyes trying to surrender myself to sleep but I couldn't. 

I'm still awake.

I glance over the clock and it's half past 1.

Great, its already morning. Early morning.

A tear of frustration escape my eyes, as I know what's coming ahead. A horrible journey to get myself to sleep. I squint my eyes in search of my trustee pillow.

There it is.

I snatch my loyal purple pillow and stuff my face into it, trying to stifle my sob from waking up Zack.

Soon, I was not only sobbing 'cause I can't sleep but everything. Ugh, I just hate it when this happens. I hate it when I cry just because of one simple petty thing, I end up crying of things that just turned out wrong. Which is anything but nice.

"Madison."

My heart stop for a moment before it started again. What was that?

I sniff silently before removing the pillow out of my face.

Great, I woke up Zack.

I wipe my tears and turn to his direction. It's quite dim and instantly try to tame my wild hair but a second later I felt stupid. It's not like he can see me clearly.

"I'm sorry, Zack. I didn't mean to wake you up." I croak, trying to stable my voice.

"Um, would you like to sleep with me?"

"What?!" I mutter, taken aback.

"I mean, sleep with me on my bed. Not that one, you know." he states hurriedly, his voice timid. I could just sense that he blushed, embarrassed over his remark.

"Um.." I hesitate.

I just broke up with my boyfriend and I'm the lowest I can ever be. And the least that I want is any physical contact with anybody.

"Look, Madison. I know you've been crying yourself to sleep for about 3 nights now and that's pretty bad. I promised you that I'd be here for you and that I'll be your rock. You need something to lean on."