Finding My Heart

MONI

Boom ! Boom ! Boom ! I jumped up sweating, another night of this shit and I can't take it anymore! It's always constant with them every single night. I pulled the covers off me, slide on my Nike slides and the door, only to be knocked backwards towards my bed. I gasped trying to catch my breath as she walked in the room towards me. I felt blood mixed with tears as I'm backing away begging please no! She ignored me and put her cigarette out and grabbed me by my hair ...... I Jumped up looking  around the room. I calmed down once I realize it was just a dream; or more like reality. It's been 5 years and I'm still battling this shit, I'm still taking pills for this shit, I'm still hurting, I'm still broken , I'm still trying to find my heart.

Let Me Introduce Myself, I'm A'moni Heaven Perez! I'm 19 and I recently Graduated High School  and I'll Be Starting College in about two weeks. I'm going to Butch University in Atlanta (Not a real university). I guess I'm excited , but then again, I'm only going to get away from my so-called parents. I'm an only child to these bitc....I Mean people. My parents are the type of people that'll steal from you and help you look for it! Five years ago , My parents left me to live with my aunt and uncle while they weren't "Ready" for me and wanted to see the world. My aunt has caused me so much hurt and pain I don't know how I can deal with this everyday, and my parents have no clue , it's not like they will care anyways! They  never did.....

I looked to my left and seen one of my "friends" still asleep. I politely woke her ass up, handing her all of her things and walking her outside. I mean it's bee real, the sex was bomb, but don't get it twisted ,its only business nothing personal. I walked back inside and went into the kitchen to see my mom drinking her a glass of wine while reading some book. I roll my eyes and speak .

Mom: Hey girl are you ready for college and those fine behind girls that'll be there

You see my mom acts like she is my bestfriend when I just really need her to be a mom to me. The only reason i'm back with them is because my aunt and uncle got locked up for what they did to me, but that'll be explained later.

Me: I mean I guess Tish , It gives me a reason to get away from you ( I mumble that last part under my breath)

Mom: I'm so proud of you girl and you know you can talk to me whenever okay?

Me: ooo-okay I said dragging my o out while leaving the kitchen and goin back to my room. I grab my phone and see that it is 3 am. I see a bunch of text from random ass people but ignore them and decided to browse this website called Cookies&Cream to see who on it and just past time until i fall asleep. When I don't really connect with anyone, I decided to browse facebook and I soon wish I hadn't. all down my timeline I see happy couples and bullshit ! I hate being this way, I hate that my guard is up I hate i'm not normal, I HATE that I haven't FOUND my HEART !