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"One...."
Do you believe in love at first sight?
"Two.."
Because I don't.
"Three...."
I looked away, right after matapos ng pagbibilang ko. Then smiled..
Weird right? Para akong pedo na nangmamanyak ng younger student..
Eh anong magagawa ko. She's too beautiful.
Ang ironic no? They say, pagibig daw ang tawag kapag di mo hinuhusgahan ang isang tao base sa kung anong itchura niya pero they believe in love at first sight.
Love at first sight is when you felt something special, unang beses mo pa lang makita ang isang tao.
Love my ass.. How can you consider that love kung hindi mo pa nga kilala yung tao.
"Tumitibok na ba ang mata mo?" sabi niya sakin dati. I smiled again remembering that scenario. Yun yung panahong sinabi 'kong na love at first sight ako sakanya.
Tama nga naman siya.
Kaya we didn't end up with each other dahil ayun ang pinapaniwalaan niya.
Tanga ko, bakit ba sinabi kong na love at first sight ako sakanya? Eh alam na alam ko sa sarili ko na I've been stalking to her ever since.
Consider me pyscho If I told you that after that, lalo akong nahulog sakanya..
Naniniwala ka ba na bumibilis ang tibok ng puso mo kapag nakikita mo ang taong mahal mo?
Ako kase hindi..
I didn't felt any like that, I'm being realistic. Kahit nga yung bling bling sa paligid seeing her/him walking across to you.
"La? Pacheck up ka, May sakit ka ata sa puso?" once again she rejected me, naalala ko pa na dinala niya 'ko sa clinic matapos niyang marinig yung last sentence ng confession ko sakanya. Plus her hysterical way of hearing na sinabi 'kong 'bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko sa tuwing makikita ko siya' something like that.
Why do I even said that? Eh sa totoo naman hindi ko naramdaman yun.
Baliw na ata ako, but I love her more and more.
I stare at her 3 more seconds. Then I realize..
Is she this beautiful when I first saw her?
I smiled at that thought. Alam ko namang babasagin niya lang ako eh.
"Panget mo talaga." I said. pero sana yung pambara niya na lang yung narinig ko kesa sa nakakabinging katahimikan
I looked away again, dahil alam 'kong masasaktan na naman ako when I stare at her a little more.
Do you believe in happy endings?
Ako hindi.
Infact I hate it.
"Haha. You silly, kahit gaano pa kahappy happy yun, ending pa rin yun."
Funny how those words came through your lips.
Pero sa totoo, ikaw ang nagdecide ng ending. Ikaw ang tumapos ng lahat.
"Is this the reason why you didn't let me in?" I asked her.
Is this the reason why you don't believe in such things?
para akong baliw na nagsasalita sa harap ng grave. ahh, hindi pala parang. Baliw na 'ko.
All question are running through my head -- questions left unanswered. Mga tanong na kahit kailan di 'ko masasagot -- o nino man.
Do you believe in love? coz' I don't.
How can you really say you love a person?
Kapag masaya ka kasama siya?
Kapag komportable ka sakanya?
Does that thing really exist? I don't think so. It's the attachment. Kung gano ka nasanay kapag nandyan ang isang tao na umaabot sa point na di mo na gusto lumayo. Akala natin pagibig yon.
People come and go.. Una unahan lang naman yan eh.
pero we just have to enjoy their company while their still there.
Kaya most of the people, nasasaktan dahil they can't accept the fact that some people are meant to leave -- to give up -- to let go.
Pero ikaw malupit eh... Iiwan mo 'ko kung kailan kailangang kailangan kita.
Kung kailan handa na ko sa consequences.
You turned everything upside down. I do believe in LOVE now.
I cannot put it in words. Di 'ko madescribe. It's not about the happiness, nor the comfort.
Basta ang alam ko, di ko alam nararamdaman ko kapag nandyan ka. Neither love at first sight or butterflies in stomach. I don't believe in those, dahil MORE THAN THAT ang nararamdaman ko para sayo.
"You said, let's be nothing... because it lasts forever,no?" I smiled bitterly. I have to stay angry to you.. Because when I stop being bitter.. babalik ako sa pagiging mahina ko..
Siguro nga ngayon pa lang mahina na 'ko.. I couldn't glance at you more than 3 seconds.
The memories and everything comes back.....and it's killing me.
I tried looking at the grave. "Unfair ka kahit kailan.." my voice broke. Agad agad 'kong iniwas ko ulit ang tingin rito. Eto na naman ako.. nagpapakaduwag.
But I know you're happy now..
I stood up then left the flower beside her grave. "I miss you, Anya. It's been 5 years since you left.... But I still feel the same."
-FIN
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