The random thoughts of an overly emotional

October 26, 2016

It's almost 1 in the morning. 12:50 am, to be exact. I am currently in the restroom avoiding going back to the room. I don't mind living here, but it's.....different. I'm alone here, even though it houses a family, but, it's not my family. I'm not too entirely sure what an actual family is, anymore. Ah, I'm rambling. Well, I'm done being in the restroom, I can't stay there forever.
12:57 am.
I wish I was living with him again, I miss him... I miss his cuddles and I miss having someone being up and there for me (everyone here isn't a nocturnal like myself) and I miss smoking. I miss lighting one up whenever I want, I miss the convenience. I miss having people to smoke with. I miss having friends. I feel so isolated.
I wanna groan. I forgot I was transferring schools. Ugh, I'm gonna have to try making friends all over again, but that's after I deal with ALC. 30 fucking days for sleeping in class, I cannot fucking believe it (my teach was worried and called the nurse, took me to the ap's and said I was poppin pills). The schools here are shit and I can't wait to be done with it all. I already tried fighting back, everyone has, all I can do now is accept it. I'm not too worried, though, hear your grades shoot up and you meet a lot of plugs.
1:12 am.
Sigh. A reason I smoke: it helps me sleep. I'm supposed to go and try and find these melatonin gummies but my love keeps forgetting to ask his mom where she bought them. It's no good to have weed if you can't smoke it, so I gotta move on to the next best thing. I hope it's not too expensive, I'm almost at 800 in my savings and I don't even think I have a job anymore. I should go apply at places tomorrow.
FUUUUCK DUDE. I FUCKING HATE THIS. I FEEL LIKE CRYING FUCK WHY IS THIS SHIT SO HARD WHY THE FUCK WAS I DEALT WITH SUCH A SHITTY HAND WHY AM I SUCH A LITTLE BITCH I NEED TO STOP ACTING LIKE THE WORLD HATES ME WHEN I KNOW DAMN WELL OTHER PEOPLE OUT THERE HAVE IT WORSE THAN ME.

...it just hurts, you know?